Sunday, August 28, 2005
"The girl! How much for the little girl?"
Jump for joy kiddies, BigRuta is back! Sorry it's been two months since my last post, but I been on summer vacation. Yep, I been traveling around these here U S's of A and I had a ball! Word of advice for those of you who may be trekking though the heartland of 'Merica - stop in at Big Sal's Truck Stop and Travel Emporium if you are near Marked Tree, Arkansas. I've never been anywhere like it! You can get some grub, fuel up, stay the night, play the slots, and watch bulls become steer (I almost fainted!). The owner is Sally Mae Cooter. She and her husband Bocefus will be right glad to see ya. Oh and be sure to say howdy to their daughter, the lovely Ida Sue Cooter. I went for a walk with her out back of the propane tanks and she showed me just how sexy webbed toes can be!
More about my summer of discovery in upcoming posts - now let's get to the flick!
Today's movie is The Bad Seed, Warner Brothers, 1956. The Bad Seed was originally a book by Maxwell Anderson that became a hit on Broadway. I chose to review this movie because it shows that what I refer to as "B-Movies" are not always the cheap silly drive-in kind of films that most people think of when they hear the phrase b-movie. Many films that are a bit odd or shocking or unsettling fall under my umbrella term b-movie. Most films that have become cult hits also belong in this category. The Bad Seed definitely qualifies!
The Plot:
The Penmarks are a typical upper middle class 50's family. Dad is an army officer, Mom is a homemaker and their daughter, little Rhoda is a smart, sweet and very feminine girl. Strangely, people who upset Rhoda seem to end up dying in unpleasant ways.
The Hook:
Oh come on! Do you really need me to tell you?
The Goodies:
The Bad Seed is a very well put together film. However, some modern viewers may find the pacing and dialog a bit odd. Because the Broadway play was such a success (Nancy Kelly who plays Rhoda's mother Christine won a Tony) the producers of the film took no chances. What we see is basically the play but with the addition of some outdoor settings. Because this is simply a filmed play, most of the plot comes through as expository dialog. We know what has happened because we hear the characters talking about it. We don't actually see any action. Most of the actors are the same ones who starred in the Broadway play, so they know their parts backward and forward. The dialog may seem a bit fast for normal conversation, but not as fast as some older British Shakespearean productions!
Okay so, we learn that Rhoda is a spoiled rotten little daddy's girl. The Penmark's landlady Monica gives Rhoda a ton of gifts and praises her every move. Rhoda's father Kennith is almost a noncharacter. He is there to show that there is a dad involved and that this is a happy idyllic 1950's family. Kennith is gone away in Washington for most of the movie. We do get to hear some rather disturbing dialog from Rhoda about her father: "You're so big and strong!" and "I'll miss your kisses Daddy!" Maybe I'm just a perv, but that stuff is creepy!
Rhoda's mom Christine is a typical nervous nelly 1950's mom. She wrings her hands and buries her face in her hands when upset and claps her hands when she wants Rhoda's attention. Oh and she has always had the feeling that she does not belong, she often felt that she was adopted. One good thing about Christine is that she can and does see through Rhoda's manipulation of others. Just a bit too late.
And then there is Leroy. Leroy is the Penmark's handyman. Leroy is a great character, second only to Rhoda. He is kind of sleazy. He "likes" Christine - nudge, nudge. And he is the only one who understands, from the beginning, that Rhoda is a spoiled self-centered manipulator. His habit of goofing off and napping on a pallet of packing material he has made in the cellar will turn out bad for him in the end.
If you have been paying attention, you may have noticed that I give away the plots of the movies I think are fun but stupid. I do this so that you can enjoy the silly stuff without necessarily sitting through the actual flick. Call it a public service. You're welcome. But I do not give away the stories of the movies I think you should watch. I just try to give you a taste, a little idea of what the film is about and why I think it may be worth your time. I gave you a rather big taste of "The Abominable Dr. Phibes." But in this case, I think I should hold back. So...
Rhoda is a sociopath. She cares nothing for anyone but herself. She might have some feelings for her parents, but they seem contrived. No one seems to understand this, except for Leroy but he learns that it is dangerous to underestimate this little girl. Christine starts to put the clues together, but refuses to believe that Rhoda could be evil. Then she learns a family secret from her father - can you guess? With this knowledge she finally confronts Rhoda. Ultimately, Christine does what she feels she must, and that is the end of the story.
Unfortunately, that is not the end of the film. Well, it was the 1950's and Christine's solution simply could not be seen as being endorsed by the film makers, so they tag on a really rather hokey ending for the film. I think this was a mistake. The film should have ended with Christine's final act of conscience. That would have been a powerful end. People would no doubt have been outraged, but so what. I would rather have a much more dramatic shocking ending then a clean stupid ending.
Great Lines:
Rhoda's comment's about a schoolmate's death, "I thought it was exciting!" and "Why should I feel sorry? It was Claude Daigle got drowned, not me"
Leroy about Rhoda, "She sees through me, but I see through her." and "Ain't scared of nuthin huh? I'll find a way to scare you!"
Leroy to Rhoda, "That's the thing about blood. You can wash and wash, but you can't get it all off."
In a great scene that is too long to quote, Leroy tells Rhoda about the electric chair!
The Bad Seed is a great little film that you should take the time to see. It has influenced many films that came after it. Oh and to further reinforce the fact that it was a play, the cast is introduced one-by-one at the end to take a bow.
And then Nancy Kelly (Christine) spanks Patty McCormack (Rhoda)!
Another Saturday night, another blonde.
While I watched The Bad Seed, I had myself a taste of another blond in pigtails - St. Pauli Girl Lager.
St. Pauli Girl Lager is brewed by St. Pauli Brauerei in Bremen, Germany. It is one of the three European lagers that achieved mass market distribution in the US in the 1970's. Can you name the other two? Hint: one is from Holland and one is from Germany. Need another? Okay. Hint 2: they both come in green bottles. Still don't know? Hint 3: their names start with H and B respectively. If you still can't figure it out, then go drink some Thunderbird - you're useless!
St. Pauli Girl Lager is a clear bright yellow brew with a fine bubbled semipersistent head. The aroma is very light and hoppy. ABV: 4.9% and IBU ~ 20.
The taste is crisp with a nice sour finish and aftertaste that lasts a while. St. Pauli Girl feels like a more robust beer, a lager with a slight bit of ale body to it.
Those who like American mass market lagers should try St. Pauli Girl. It may make you want to try more European beers, and that is always a good thing.
Well folks, that's about it for now. Remember, questions, comments and requests are always welcome. See ya soon!
-BigRuta
Okay! Okay! Heiniken and Becks. Jeez! What a bunch of babies!
More about my summer of discovery in upcoming posts - now let's get to the flick!
Today's movie is The Bad Seed, Warner Brothers, 1956. The Bad Seed was originally a book by Maxwell Anderson that became a hit on Broadway. I chose to review this movie because it shows that what I refer to as "B-Movies" are not always the cheap silly drive-in kind of films that most people think of when they hear the phrase b-movie. Many films that are a bit odd or shocking or unsettling fall under my umbrella term b-movie. Most films that have become cult hits also belong in this category. The Bad Seed definitely qualifies!
The Plot:
The Penmarks are a typical upper middle class 50's family. Dad is an army officer, Mom is a homemaker and their daughter, little Rhoda is a smart, sweet and very feminine girl. Strangely, people who upset Rhoda seem to end up dying in unpleasant ways.
The Hook:
Oh come on! Do you really need me to tell you?
The Goodies:
The Bad Seed is a very well put together film. However, some modern viewers may find the pacing and dialog a bit odd. Because the Broadway play was such a success (Nancy Kelly who plays Rhoda's mother Christine won a Tony) the producers of the film took no chances. What we see is basically the play but with the addition of some outdoor settings. Because this is simply a filmed play, most of the plot comes through as expository dialog. We know what has happened because we hear the characters talking about it. We don't actually see any action. Most of the actors are the same ones who starred in the Broadway play, so they know their parts backward and forward. The dialog may seem a bit fast for normal conversation, but not as fast as some older British Shakespearean productions!
Okay so, we learn that Rhoda is a spoiled rotten little daddy's girl. The Penmark's landlady Monica gives Rhoda a ton of gifts and praises her every move. Rhoda's father Kennith is almost a noncharacter. He is there to show that there is a dad involved and that this is a happy idyllic 1950's family. Kennith is gone away in Washington for most of the movie. We do get to hear some rather disturbing dialog from Rhoda about her father: "You're so big and strong!" and "I'll miss your kisses Daddy!" Maybe I'm just a perv, but that stuff is creepy!
Rhoda's mom Christine is a typical nervous nelly 1950's mom. She wrings her hands and buries her face in her hands when upset and claps her hands when she wants Rhoda's attention. Oh and she has always had the feeling that she does not belong, she often felt that she was adopted. One good thing about Christine is that she can and does see through Rhoda's manipulation of others. Just a bit too late.
And then there is Leroy. Leroy is the Penmark's handyman. Leroy is a great character, second only to Rhoda. He is kind of sleazy. He "likes" Christine - nudge, nudge. And he is the only one who understands, from the beginning, that Rhoda is a spoiled self-centered manipulator. His habit of goofing off and napping on a pallet of packing material he has made in the cellar will turn out bad for him in the end.
If you have been paying attention, you may have noticed that I give away the plots of the movies I think are fun but stupid. I do this so that you can enjoy the silly stuff without necessarily sitting through the actual flick. Call it a public service. You're welcome. But I do not give away the stories of the movies I think you should watch. I just try to give you a taste, a little idea of what the film is about and why I think it may be worth your time. I gave you a rather big taste of "The Abominable Dr. Phibes." But in this case, I think I should hold back. So...
Rhoda is a sociopath. She cares nothing for anyone but herself. She might have some feelings for her parents, but they seem contrived. No one seems to understand this, except for Leroy but he learns that it is dangerous to underestimate this little girl. Christine starts to put the clues together, but refuses to believe that Rhoda could be evil. Then she learns a family secret from her father - can you guess? With this knowledge she finally confronts Rhoda. Ultimately, Christine does what she feels she must, and that is the end of the story.
Unfortunately, that is not the end of the film. Well, it was the 1950's and Christine's solution simply could not be seen as being endorsed by the film makers, so they tag on a really rather hokey ending for the film. I think this was a mistake. The film should have ended with Christine's final act of conscience. That would have been a powerful end. People would no doubt have been outraged, but so what. I would rather have a much more dramatic shocking ending then a clean stupid ending.
Great Lines:
Rhoda's comment's about a schoolmate's death, "I thought it was exciting!" and "Why should I feel sorry? It was Claude Daigle got drowned, not me"
Leroy about Rhoda, "She sees through me, but I see through her." and "Ain't scared of nuthin huh? I'll find a way to scare you!"
Leroy to Rhoda, "That's the thing about blood. You can wash and wash, but you can't get it all off."
In a great scene that is too long to quote, Leroy tells Rhoda about the electric chair!
The Bad Seed is a great little film that you should take the time to see. It has influenced many films that came after it. Oh and to further reinforce the fact that it was a play, the cast is introduced one-by-one at the end to take a bow.
And then Nancy Kelly (Christine) spanks Patty McCormack (Rhoda)!
Another Saturday night, another blonde.
While I watched The Bad Seed, I had myself a taste of another blond in pigtails - St. Pauli Girl Lager.
St. Pauli Girl Lager is brewed by St. Pauli Brauerei in Bremen, Germany. It is one of the three European lagers that achieved mass market distribution in the US in the 1970's. Can you name the other two? Hint: one is from Holland and one is from Germany. Need another? Okay. Hint 2: they both come in green bottles. Still don't know? Hint 3: their names start with H and B respectively. If you still can't figure it out, then go drink some Thunderbird - you're useless!
St. Pauli Girl Lager is a clear bright yellow brew with a fine bubbled semipersistent head. The aroma is very light and hoppy. ABV: 4.9% and IBU ~ 20.
The taste is crisp with a nice sour finish and aftertaste that lasts a while. St. Pauli Girl feels like a more robust beer, a lager with a slight bit of ale body to it.
Those who like American mass market lagers should try St. Pauli Girl. It may make you want to try more European beers, and that is always a good thing.
Well folks, that's about it for now. Remember, questions, comments and requests are always welcome. See ya soon!
-BigRuta
Okay! Okay! Heiniken and Becks. Jeez! What a bunch of babies!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
"Woah ho ho ho ho-oh-oh! At the late night double feature picture show!"
Ah yes, the double feature! Two movies for the price of one! How can you go wrong? Simple, usually neither movie is all that great and sometimes they just plain suck. With that said...
Welcome to BigRuta's first double feature b-movie review! Zowwie have we got a couple of classics for you tonight kiddies! From Hell It Came! and Zontar The Thing From Venus! Yep, ya know when you see the exclamation points, the flick has to be good!
From Hell It Came!
This beauty was made in 1957. Why? I have no idea!
The Plot:
A witch doctor on a remote South Pacific island kills the chief and frames the chief's son. The chief's son vows revenge and comes back from - guess where! - to kill those who betrayed him. Fortunately for those silly Pacific islanders, there are some white American scientists around to take care of the vengeful spirit.
The Hook:
When the chief's son, named Keeno, comes back from the dead he is not a ghost - oh no! That would be much too conventional! No, Keeno uses "the natural spirits of the island" to come back as a Tobanga. What is a Tobanga you ask? It is a vengeful creature that grows from the grave of the one who vowed vengeance. Or, to be more exact - it's a tree. A walking killer tree. With a human heart. Yeah.
The Goodies:
Okay, first of all, all of the actors are obviously white or Hispanic. There is even a native with blond hair! And he is a guy! What's up with that! If you are going to ignore genetics and have a blond south Pacific islander then dammit make it a babe!
The American scientists are there trying to find a cure for a plague that is killing off the natives. The witch doctor ferments distrust of the Americans by telling his people that it is the "Devil dust" of the Americans that is killing them. That would be your nuclear fallout that came down on the island from atomic testing nearby. Whoops! Oh, by the way, on this remote island where supplies only come like twice a year, the Americans have a compound with: full electricity, full plumbing, a gas oven, a full size refrigerator and an operating table. Damn! They were the greatest generation!
So, Keeno is killed by having a ceremonial dagger driven into his heart and when the Tobanga grows from his grave, it also has the dagger sticking out of it. Remember that - it's important! Well, of course the Americans desecrate Keeno's grave and take the Tobanga to their compound for study. Gee, I don't know why the natives don't like us! They discover that it has a human heart and that it may be able to move. They realize it is dying, and give it fluids via an IV! When they get up the next morning, the lab has been trashed and the Tobanga is gone. They blame the natives. Remember - they are scientists. They're smart. Yeah.
Well, the Tobanga rampages over the island killing those who betrayed and murdered Keeno. When I say rampages I of course mean walks very slowly. Very slowly. You could reach down and re-tie both your shoes before you started to run away from it. This was probably due to the costume being rigid from the knees up, so the guy in the suit could not move any faster. Besides, it's a tree remember? And when I say killing I of course mean picking them up and flinging them into the local quicksand pond so we can watch them go, "No! No! Noooo! Ahrrrgggg!" 'blub, blub, blub'.
The Tobanga kills several people including Kory - Keeno's wife who betrayed him to the witch doctor - and the good doctor himself. The natives lure the Tobanga into a pit and set fire to it, but that don't work. The Americans shoot it, but - come on! - when have bullets ever done anything to a b-movie monster!
The Tobanga kidnaps the hot blond American scientist. Why? No idea. Maybe he had a woody. Ha ha ha! Get it? A woody? Nevermind. Then the bright as all get out Americans get the idea that if they could shoot the end of the dagger, it would be driven fully into the Tobanga's heart and kill it! Yeah! Don't you feel silly for not thinking of that? Well, it takes several shots, but they succeed and the Tobanga falls over dead into the quicksand. The grateful natives now love the Americans!
Yep it's just as silly as it sounds. There a few good lines:
One of the scientists laments. "Why did I have to fall in love with a dedicated female scientist?"
Keeno says just befoe he is killed, "In death I will be stronger than in life! I shall come back from Hell and make you pay for your crimes!" Okay, okay, we get it!
There is a shower scene with the hot blond scientist, but it was the 50's, so we get to see her legs below the towel and her shoulders above it. Wow! The native girls show more. I guess this was included for the boys in the audience.
And of course there is the required comic relief provided by an Australian widow who runs a trading post and who is quite simply a slut. Unless she is in imminent danger of being killed, she is letting any male nearby know that this could be his lucky day. Unfortunately for her she is rather long in the tooth and the island is filled with young native babes. The accent the obviously not Australian actress uses is horrible. I felt cheated because she did not get killed.
This movie inspired a critic at the time to write, 'And to hell it can go!'
Guess what kids - that was the good one!
Zontar The Thing From Venus! 1966 apparently made for TV.
Yikes! This pile o' stuff makes From Hell It Came! look...well...like a better b-movie. Yeah my similes suck.
The Plot:
Zontar - he's a thing from Venus - hijacks a satellite, comes to Earth and tries to take over the planet with the help of a "brilliant" scientist.
The Hook:
Zontar communicates with Keith the scientist via a special laser radio Keith has made and keeps in a closet in his living room. Yeah. Zontar convinces Keith that he will help human beings bring an end to war and poverty and disease and hunger and Communism and modern art and crazy teen-agers and rock & roll and all the other problems of modern civilization. There will be peace and mankind will work with Zontar to evolve into "something better." Yeah, we all know that's bullflop, but Keith is...well...a dork.
The Goodies:
Keith - who looks like an adult Millhouse from 'The Simpsons' - has issues. He is a brilliant scientist who has a gift for conceptualization. He is also an emotional basket case. He believes everything Zontar tells him, and because no one else can hear Zontar, everybody else thinks Keith is a bit bent. This just makes him paranoid and resentful.
In one of those only-in-the-movies situations, Keith happens to be married to a hot blond southern beauty pageant winner. He ignores her and would rather spend his time with Zontar. He's just a thing kind of guy I guess.
Keith's boss and friend Kurt is played by veteran b-movie star John Agar, best known from The Thing From Another World. I guess John was a thing kind of guy too. Keith tries to convince Kurt that Zontar is real and that he means to help man.
Once Zontar lands and takes up residence in a nearby cave, he gets Keith to give him the names of all of the important and powerful people in the area. Zontar then sends out "injecter pods" which are little bits of Zontar himself that fly and inject people with some of Zontar so that he can control them. In effect, they become part of Zontar. These people have little antennae sticking out of their necks where the injecter pods...uh...injected them. Once injected, the folks lose their emotions. The injector pods look like lobsters with wing make-up.
Zontar also stops all power "at its source" (?). So, no cars or radios or TVs or heaters or lights or anything that requires power work. Sucks for those on life support at the hospital, eh?
Well, Kurt soon finds out that Zontar is real and he is controlling folks and making them help him take over. He confronts Keith, but Keith says that it is all part of the plan to make a peaceful world. Once Kurt leaves, Keith tells Zontar where Kurt lives and when he will be home. When Kurt gets home, his wife Ann flings an injecter pod at him. Kurt kills it with a fire poker and then coldly gut-shoots Ann!
Kurt goes to Keith's place to kill him. Meanwhile, Martha - Keith's hot little southern belle wife - goes out to the cave with a gun to kill Zontar in the hopes that that will save Keith. Oh yeah, and the world. Well, as noted in the above review, guns ain't no good versus...uh...things. Zontar kills Martha - and lets Keith watch! This breaks Keith and he agrees to help Kurt kill Zontar using the laser power source from his laser radio. Okay, everybody make quote fingers and do your best Dr. Evil, "Laser!"
Keith kills Zontar, but he dies too. The end.
Dear God was this thing made on the cheap! It was fimed on 16mm color film and the print I saw had faded so much it looked almost like balck and white. The "research installation" Kurt and Keith work at seems to consist of a couple of rooms with some generic 60's style honkin big computers with the big magnetic tape spools. Oh and lots of oscilloscopes. Can't have a research installation without oscilloscopes.
Great lines:
Keith: "The days of people making fun of me are over!"
"Although his name is untranslateable into any Earth language, it sort of sounds like Zontar."
"You will beg to save your world!"
General: "Understand it? Of course not! No one understands it, but it's the scientific discovery of the century!"
Kurt: "I just saw you kill, in cold blood, your dearest friend. Now, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for an explanation."
Martha: "You took my husband away from me and now I'm going to kill you!"
Zontar: "buzz buzz buzz buzz"
This is one of those films that is so bad it is good - but just barely!
Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
What kind of beer do you drink when you watch a couple of really cheap American b-movies? A really cheap American beer! This may be the start of another quest! I just might try to find a good cheap beer. What is cheap? Well, I say it's any beer that sells for $4 or less a six-pack. And that brings me to...
Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor! $3.95 a six. Mickey's is made in Milwaukee, WI. It is 5.60% ABV with a very low IBU rating.
What is the difference between beer and malt liquor? Well, it has to do with ingredients. Some malt liquors don't have barley or hops in them. Some are just fermented processed grain malt or even extract or corn syrup! They are the most basic fermented beverage. Some real beers are also called malt liquor. Why? Not sure, and frankly, it's not worth going into here.
Mickey's has a light yellow color, a non-persistent head with big bubbles and not much aroma. It also is over carbonated, which produces lots of big bubbles that practically race to the top of the glass.
Ya know, when I was in my late teens I drank quite a bit of Mickey's at parties and just hanging out with friends. We liked it because it was cheap and had little taste and therefore we could drink 'em down quick. The bottles are green and shaped like barrels. We used to call them "hand grenades." Mickey's still has little taste. It's rather watery, with just a little sour taste during the finish and a slight aftertaste.
No bones about it - Mickey's is a "Let's get wasted!" beer.
Under the cap, there is a little definition joke. For example: "nonbusted - a cross-dresser named Ed." Yuk, yuk yuk!
Oh and the label on cans of Mickey's, is a picture of the bottle!
It's cheap, but good? I would not go that far! Although I would be willing to bet that if Keith had kicked back with a few Mickey's now and then...nah! He would still have been a dork!
Welcome to BigRuta's first double feature b-movie review! Zowwie have we got a couple of classics for you tonight kiddies! From Hell It Came! and Zontar The Thing From Venus! Yep, ya know when you see the exclamation points, the flick has to be good!
From Hell It Came!
This beauty was made in 1957. Why? I have no idea!
The Plot:
A witch doctor on a remote South Pacific island kills the chief and frames the chief's son. The chief's son vows revenge and comes back from - guess where! - to kill those who betrayed him. Fortunately for those silly Pacific islanders, there are some white American scientists around to take care of the vengeful spirit.
The Hook:
When the chief's son, named Keeno, comes back from the dead he is not a ghost - oh no! That would be much too conventional! No, Keeno uses "the natural spirits of the island" to come back as a Tobanga. What is a Tobanga you ask? It is a vengeful creature that grows from the grave of the one who vowed vengeance. Or, to be more exact - it's a tree. A walking killer tree. With a human heart. Yeah.
The Goodies:
Okay, first of all, all of the actors are obviously white or Hispanic. There is even a native with blond hair! And he is a guy! What's up with that! If you are going to ignore genetics and have a blond south Pacific islander then dammit make it a babe!
The American scientists are there trying to find a cure for a plague that is killing off the natives. The witch doctor ferments distrust of the Americans by telling his people that it is the "Devil dust" of the Americans that is killing them. That would be your nuclear fallout that came down on the island from atomic testing nearby. Whoops! Oh, by the way, on this remote island where supplies only come like twice a year, the Americans have a compound with: full electricity, full plumbing, a gas oven, a full size refrigerator and an operating table. Damn! They were the greatest generation!
So, Keeno is killed by having a ceremonial dagger driven into his heart and when the Tobanga grows from his grave, it also has the dagger sticking out of it. Remember that - it's important! Well, of course the Americans desecrate Keeno's grave and take the Tobanga to their compound for study. Gee, I don't know why the natives don't like us! They discover that it has a human heart and that it may be able to move. They realize it is dying, and give it fluids via an IV! When they get up the next morning, the lab has been trashed and the Tobanga is gone. They blame the natives. Remember - they are scientists. They're smart. Yeah.
Well, the Tobanga rampages over the island killing those who betrayed and murdered Keeno. When I say rampages I of course mean walks very slowly. Very slowly. You could reach down and re-tie both your shoes before you started to run away from it. This was probably due to the costume being rigid from the knees up, so the guy in the suit could not move any faster. Besides, it's a tree remember? And when I say killing I of course mean picking them up and flinging them into the local quicksand pond so we can watch them go, "No! No! Noooo! Ahrrrgggg!" 'blub, blub, blub'.
The Tobanga kills several people including Kory - Keeno's wife who betrayed him to the witch doctor - and the good doctor himself. The natives lure the Tobanga into a pit and set fire to it, but that don't work. The Americans shoot it, but - come on! - when have bullets ever done anything to a b-movie monster!
The Tobanga kidnaps the hot blond American scientist. Why? No idea. Maybe he had a woody. Ha ha ha! Get it? A woody? Nevermind. Then the bright as all get out Americans get the idea that if they could shoot the end of the dagger, it would be driven fully into the Tobanga's heart and kill it! Yeah! Don't you feel silly for not thinking of that? Well, it takes several shots, but they succeed and the Tobanga falls over dead into the quicksand. The grateful natives now love the Americans!
Yep it's just as silly as it sounds. There a few good lines:
One of the scientists laments. "Why did I have to fall in love with a dedicated female scientist?"
Keeno says just befoe he is killed, "In death I will be stronger than in life! I shall come back from Hell and make you pay for your crimes!" Okay, okay, we get it!
There is a shower scene with the hot blond scientist, but it was the 50's, so we get to see her legs below the towel and her shoulders above it. Wow! The native girls show more. I guess this was included for the boys in the audience.
And of course there is the required comic relief provided by an Australian widow who runs a trading post and who is quite simply a slut. Unless she is in imminent danger of being killed, she is letting any male nearby know that this could be his lucky day. Unfortunately for her she is rather long in the tooth and the island is filled with young native babes. The accent the obviously not Australian actress uses is horrible. I felt cheated because she did not get killed.
This movie inspired a critic at the time to write, 'And to hell it can go!'
Guess what kids - that was the good one!
Zontar The Thing From Venus! 1966 apparently made for TV.
Yikes! This pile o' stuff makes From Hell It Came! look...well...like a better b-movie. Yeah my similes suck.
The Plot:
Zontar - he's a thing from Venus - hijacks a satellite, comes to Earth and tries to take over the planet with the help of a "brilliant" scientist.
The Hook:
Zontar communicates with Keith the scientist via a special laser radio Keith has made and keeps in a closet in his living room. Yeah. Zontar convinces Keith that he will help human beings bring an end to war and poverty and disease and hunger and Communism and modern art and crazy teen-agers and rock & roll and all the other problems of modern civilization. There will be peace and mankind will work with Zontar to evolve into "something better." Yeah, we all know that's bullflop, but Keith is...well...a dork.
The Goodies:
Keith - who looks like an adult Millhouse from 'The Simpsons' - has issues. He is a brilliant scientist who has a gift for conceptualization. He is also an emotional basket case. He believes everything Zontar tells him, and because no one else can hear Zontar, everybody else thinks Keith is a bit bent. This just makes him paranoid and resentful.
In one of those only-in-the-movies situations, Keith happens to be married to a hot blond southern beauty pageant winner. He ignores her and would rather spend his time with Zontar. He's just a thing kind of guy I guess.
Keith's boss and friend Kurt is played by veteran b-movie star John Agar, best known from The Thing From Another World. I guess John was a thing kind of guy too. Keith tries to convince Kurt that Zontar is real and that he means to help man.
Once Zontar lands and takes up residence in a nearby cave, he gets Keith to give him the names of all of the important and powerful people in the area. Zontar then sends out "injecter pods" which are little bits of Zontar himself that fly and inject people with some of Zontar so that he can control them. In effect, they become part of Zontar. These people have little antennae sticking out of their necks where the injecter pods...uh...injected them. Once injected, the folks lose their emotions. The injector pods look like lobsters with wing make-up.
Zontar also stops all power "at its source" (?). So, no cars or radios or TVs or heaters or lights or anything that requires power work. Sucks for those on life support at the hospital, eh?
Well, Kurt soon finds out that Zontar is real and he is controlling folks and making them help him take over. He confronts Keith, but Keith says that it is all part of the plan to make a peaceful world. Once Kurt leaves, Keith tells Zontar where Kurt lives and when he will be home. When Kurt gets home, his wife Ann flings an injecter pod at him. Kurt kills it with a fire poker and then coldly gut-shoots Ann!
Kurt goes to Keith's place to kill him. Meanwhile, Martha - Keith's hot little southern belle wife - goes out to the cave with a gun to kill Zontar in the hopes that that will save Keith. Oh yeah, and the world. Well, as noted in the above review, guns ain't no good versus...uh...things. Zontar kills Martha - and lets Keith watch! This breaks Keith and he agrees to help Kurt kill Zontar using the laser power source from his laser radio. Okay, everybody make quote fingers and do your best Dr. Evil, "Laser!"
Keith kills Zontar, but he dies too. The end.
Dear God was this thing made on the cheap! It was fimed on 16mm color film and the print I saw had faded so much it looked almost like balck and white. The "research installation" Kurt and Keith work at seems to consist of a couple of rooms with some generic 60's style honkin big computers with the big magnetic tape spools. Oh and lots of oscilloscopes. Can't have a research installation without oscilloscopes.
Great lines:
Keith: "The days of people making fun of me are over!"
"Although his name is untranslateable into any Earth language, it sort of sounds like Zontar."
"You will beg to save your world!"
General: "Understand it? Of course not! No one understands it, but it's the scientific discovery of the century!"
Kurt: "I just saw you kill, in cold blood, your dearest friend. Now, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for an explanation."
Martha: "You took my husband away from me and now I'm going to kill you!"
Zontar: "buzz buzz buzz buzz"
This is one of those films that is so bad it is good - but just barely!
Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
What kind of beer do you drink when you watch a couple of really cheap American b-movies? A really cheap American beer! This may be the start of another quest! I just might try to find a good cheap beer. What is cheap? Well, I say it's any beer that sells for $4 or less a six-pack. And that brings me to...
Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor! $3.95 a six. Mickey's is made in Milwaukee, WI. It is 5.60% ABV with a very low IBU rating.
What is the difference between beer and malt liquor? Well, it has to do with ingredients. Some malt liquors don't have barley or hops in them. Some are just fermented processed grain malt or even extract or corn syrup! They are the most basic fermented beverage. Some real beers are also called malt liquor. Why? Not sure, and frankly, it's not worth going into here.
Mickey's has a light yellow color, a non-persistent head with big bubbles and not much aroma. It also is over carbonated, which produces lots of big bubbles that practically race to the top of the glass.
Ya know, when I was in my late teens I drank quite a bit of Mickey's at parties and just hanging out with friends. We liked it because it was cheap and had little taste and therefore we could drink 'em down quick. The bottles are green and shaped like barrels. We used to call them "hand grenades." Mickey's still has little taste. It's rather watery, with just a little sour taste during the finish and a slight aftertaste.
No bones about it - Mickey's is a "Let's get wasted!" beer.
Under the cap, there is a little definition joke. For example: "nonbusted - a cross-dresser named Ed." Yuk, yuk yuk!
Oh and the label on cans of Mickey's, is a picture of the bottle!
It's cheap, but good? I would not go that far! Although I would be willing to bet that if Keith had kicked back with a few Mickey's now and then...nah! He would still have been a dork!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
"Camelot!" Camelot!" "Camelot!" "It's only a model." Shhh!"
Well, the old saying is that three is the charm. But, are you freakin kidding me!? After trying only three brews could our search for Bibliobabe's fabled sweet and yummy beer be over? So soon? Ya know what - I think it may just be true.
As you may recall, I have mentioned the nation of Belgium several times in this here blog. The Belgians love beer. They also love to experiment with their beer. Sure, Germany and to a lesser extent Eastern Europe and Britain get lots of props for the brews they produce. However many beer snobs consider the little country just north of France to be the most interesting beer region in Europe. Some consider Trappist ales - ales brewed by Trappist monks in their abbeys - to be the finest beers available. I happen to really like Trappist ales. You will hear about them soon!
By now you should have guessed that the beer that I think will win over Bibliobabe's heart hails from Belgium. Yep! So, do you remember when I mentioned lambics? Lambics are a style of beer that originated in the region now occupied by Belgium. Lambics rely on spontaneous fermentation (as opposed to induced fermentation) and generally consist of about 30% or more wheat. There is a lot more to them, but that is enough for our purposes. A real lambic fan could write books about them, and of course many have. Like other beers lambics can be young or aged. Young lambics have a distinctive cider-like taste. Aged lambics tend to be much more acidic and therefore much more bitter.
Now when I say that young lambics taste like cider, I don't mean the dark brown opaque stuff with all the extra worm squish in it that you get from apple orchards in the fall. I mean fermented cider. Like Woodchuck or Strongbow. Never heard of those? Truck it on down to your local beverage store - you'll find 'em. They have a nice crisp apple taste and as much alcohol as mass market beers. In fact 'cider' is a category in many brewing competitions. Bibliobabe might want to try a cider or two. However, I personally do not consider ciders to be beer.
Lambics do not have to be flavored with fruit, but many are. And so...drumroll please! The beer I consider to be the winner of the sweet and yummy award is...Lindemans Peche Lambic! Or if the Flemish bugs you: Lindemans Belgian Peach Ale. TAA DAA! To keep things simple, I will just refer to it as LPL.
LPL is brewed by Brouwerij Lindemans, Vlezenbeek, Belgium. Now, the bottle states that this lambic is aged in oak and then a secondary fermentation is caused by the addition of fresh peaches. That's a big thing to lambic folks; if it is a fruit lambic, the fruit has to be fresh and should be whole when added to the brew.
LPL is an ale - which means what class? Anybody? Hmm? Damn it all! Haven't you people been paying attention!? It means that the brew is top fermented at relatively warm temperatures. "Oh, yeah, now I remember!" Shut up! You're all worthless and weak! Remember I told you that many ales are dark and heavier than lagers - but not all of them? LPL is a great example of a light ale.
Okay, here we go: ABV 4.0%, IBU very low. The first thing I noticed when I took the foil off the neck of the bottle was that LPL has both a cap and a cork! Kind of slows down chugg-a-lugging, which all things considered, is a good thing. The color is great! This is a very attractive beer. A light amber with a hint of pink - kind of like a peach! The aroma is all soft peach with a hint of that cider-like crispness. LPL forms a foamy, large bubbled non-persistent head - again, like a cider.
The taste is wonderful. It reminds you very much of peach nectar, but with the wheat ale sort of in the background to keep it from getting too sweet. It is nice and crisp, never bitter, with just a slight sourness evident in the finish and a short aftertaste. In fact the wheat ale component reminded me of the taste of peach flesh that is near the pit; ya know the white part that is not really ripe? Cool how they pulled that off! The sweetness is gentle and refreshing, never cloying. This is some good shit!
Sometimes certain sweet beers or wines are recommended to be drunk with dessert. I've never been too sure about such claims, but I could definitely see myself drinking LPL with peach or apple pie! In fact LPL may be one of the few beers that would make a good topping for ice-cream!
This stuff is the real deal. I whole heartedly recommend this to Bibliobabe or anyone who may enjoy a sweet and yummy beer.
I plan on introducing LPL to BB in person. I'll post her opinion right here on The Duh Spot!
Cheers!
As you may recall, I have mentioned the nation of Belgium several times in this here blog. The Belgians love beer. They also love to experiment with their beer. Sure, Germany and to a lesser extent Eastern Europe and Britain get lots of props for the brews they produce. However many beer snobs consider the little country just north of France to be the most interesting beer region in Europe. Some consider Trappist ales - ales brewed by Trappist monks in their abbeys - to be the finest beers available. I happen to really like Trappist ales. You will hear about them soon!
By now you should have guessed that the beer that I think will win over Bibliobabe's heart hails from Belgium. Yep! So, do you remember when I mentioned lambics? Lambics are a style of beer that originated in the region now occupied by Belgium. Lambics rely on spontaneous fermentation (as opposed to induced fermentation) and generally consist of about 30% or more wheat. There is a lot more to them, but that is enough for our purposes. A real lambic fan could write books about them, and of course many have. Like other beers lambics can be young or aged. Young lambics have a distinctive cider-like taste. Aged lambics tend to be much more acidic and therefore much more bitter.
Now when I say that young lambics taste like cider, I don't mean the dark brown opaque stuff with all the extra worm squish in it that you get from apple orchards in the fall. I mean fermented cider. Like Woodchuck or Strongbow. Never heard of those? Truck it on down to your local beverage store - you'll find 'em. They have a nice crisp apple taste and as much alcohol as mass market beers. In fact 'cider' is a category in many brewing competitions. Bibliobabe might want to try a cider or two. However, I personally do not consider ciders to be beer.
Lambics do not have to be flavored with fruit, but many are. And so...drumroll please! The beer I consider to be the winner of the sweet and yummy award is...Lindemans Peche Lambic! Or if the Flemish bugs you: Lindemans Belgian Peach Ale. TAA DAA! To keep things simple, I will just refer to it as LPL.
LPL is brewed by Brouwerij Lindemans, Vlezenbeek, Belgium. Now, the bottle states that this lambic is aged in oak and then a secondary fermentation is caused by the addition of fresh peaches. That's a big thing to lambic folks; if it is a fruit lambic, the fruit has to be fresh and should be whole when added to the brew.
LPL is an ale - which means what class? Anybody? Hmm? Damn it all! Haven't you people been paying attention!? It means that the brew is top fermented at relatively warm temperatures. "Oh, yeah, now I remember!" Shut up! You're all worthless and weak! Remember I told you that many ales are dark and heavier than lagers - but not all of them? LPL is a great example of a light ale.
Okay, here we go: ABV 4.0%, IBU very low. The first thing I noticed when I took the foil off the neck of the bottle was that LPL has both a cap and a cork! Kind of slows down chugg-a-lugging, which all things considered, is a good thing. The color is great! This is a very attractive beer. A light amber with a hint of pink - kind of like a peach! The aroma is all soft peach with a hint of that cider-like crispness. LPL forms a foamy, large bubbled non-persistent head - again, like a cider.
The taste is wonderful. It reminds you very much of peach nectar, but with the wheat ale sort of in the background to keep it from getting too sweet. It is nice and crisp, never bitter, with just a slight sourness evident in the finish and a short aftertaste. In fact the wheat ale component reminded me of the taste of peach flesh that is near the pit; ya know the white part that is not really ripe? Cool how they pulled that off! The sweetness is gentle and refreshing, never cloying. This is some good shit!
Sometimes certain sweet beers or wines are recommended to be drunk with dessert. I've never been too sure about such claims, but I could definitely see myself drinking LPL with peach or apple pie! In fact LPL may be one of the few beers that would make a good topping for ice-cream!
This stuff is the real deal. I whole heartedly recommend this to Bibliobabe or anyone who may enjoy a sweet and yummy beer.
I plan on introducing LPL to BB in person. I'll post her opinion right here on The Duh Spot!
Cheers!
Saturday, June 04, 2005
"Beauty is what the untrained eyes consider abominable."
Vincent Price is the man. How can you not love Vincent Price? A classically trained actor who despite critical success on stage and screen was not even the slightest bit bothered by playing campy, hammy over-the-top silly roles as well. For Vinnie, it was all part of being an actor. He never took himself too seriously. He always seemed to be having fun. Wish all actors had that kind of attitude.
Yeah, he participated on a Michael Jackson record, but I can forgive him that. And it was his fame as a great horror actor that got him that gig in the first place.
Today's review is of one of Mr. Price's most enjoyable movies: The Abominable Dr. Phibes.
The Plot:
Dr. Anton Phibes lost his beloved wife on the operating table years ago. He died soon after in a firery car crash. Now someone seems to be killing off members of the surgical team who treated Mrs. Phibes. The police try to not only catch the fiend, but also protect the potential victims.
The Hook:
We know from the start that the mysterious killer is Dr. Phibes. Dr. Phibes (who has PhD's in music and theology) is a brilliant inventor - and a hate filled maniac! But the question is: is Phibes a revenant returned from the grave, or did he survive the crash? Either way it is obvious that he has planned out his revenge in meticulous detail.
The Goodies:
The Abominable Dr. Phibes proves that talented people can make a very entertaining film with a small budget. Filmed in England and released in 1971 by EMI-MGM via AIP, this flick is a treat!
The period is never really specified, but judging by the cars, technology and clothing, I would say the film takes place in the early 1930's. Now, there are two places that seem anachronistic to this time period. One is the home of Dr. Vesalius (Joseph Cotten), the lead surgeon on the team who worked on Mrs. Phibes and therefore Dr. Phibes most hated target. Dr. Vesalius' home almost screams 1970. Mod patterned paneling and mirrors on the walls and chrome and glass furniture jump out at you. The other odd set is the home of Dr. Phibes. Like I said, he is brilliant and a full blown bull-moose loony and his digs reflect this. He has a red plastic pipe organ on an elevator platform that lets him ride up to the main floor or down to the basement while he plays. He has a fully functional clockwork band, "Dr. Phibes Clockwork Wizards", that play in the main floor ballroom - which has a partial glass floor! He also has at least one laboratory - you knew he had to have a laboratory didn' t you! Come on! He's a evil genius in a horror movie! Of course he has a laboratory!
He also has a minion. A beautiful young woman named Vulnavia who, we learn, just happens to look very much like the late Victoria Regina Phibes. Vulnavia (Virginia North) is a loyal and silent assistant to Phibes as well as a companion. There are several scenes where they dance together to music played by the clockwork band. These are rather surreal scenes with Phibes and Vulnavia dressed in eccentric formal attire. These scenes give the impression that Phibes is recreating the memories of a happy life. One could interpret Vulnavia as another one of Phibes' creations, though a scene near the end of the film implies that she is human.
Phibes puts his knowledge of the bible to work and schemes to kill all of the surgical team using the curses rained down upon Egypt just prior to Exodus as a theme. Thoses curses are: 1. boils, 2. bats, 3. frogs, 4. blood, 5. rats, 6. hail, 7. beasts, 8. locusts, 9. death of the first born and 10. darkness. Although the film makes the point that the killings will follow this list, one of the murders is out of order.
The scenes where Phibes kills those he considers guilty of killing his wife are the heart of the movie. They are great evil genius extravagant murders that Phibes takes great pleasure in committing and witnessing. Phibes is there to observe all the deaths. When he has completed a kill, he burns the face off wax busts of the victims. As Phibes says to a picture of his wife, "Nine killed you. Nine shall die!" Hmmm. Ten curses, nine victims. Who will be the victim of the curse of darkness?
We know that Phibes must be mutilated from the car crash in some way because we see him apply false ears and a wig early in the film. Additionally, it is plain that his face is a mask. He has created an electronic device to allow himself to talk. It requires plugging a cord to an amplifier into a socket on the back of his neck. When he speaks it is halting and slightly mechanical sounding. Mostly he speaks to pictures of his dead wife; played by Caroline Munro a gorgeous model/actress who was in many b-movies from the late 60's to the mid 80's. We only see her in pictures and a crypt. There are two funny scenes in which Phibes drinks champagne and tastes a concoction he is making via his neck socket. These scenes are made much more enjoyable by the entirely serious look on Price's face!
While Phibes is getting his dirty work done, Scotland Yard is desperately trying to stop him. The investigation is headed by Inspector Trout, played by British actor Peter Jeffrey. Jeffrey's portrayal of Insp. Trout is wonderful! He presents the aspect of an intelligent man who is world and politically weary, insightful, compassionate and nervous. His sergeant gives him some information about the case and asks what he thinks. Trout sighs, "Oh I don't think anymore Tom." Others seem to always get his name wrong, referring to the wrong fish, especially the Superintendent who calls him "Pike", "Breem" and "Perch"! The super is not pleased with Trout's progress:
Superintendent: "Where are you off to now Trout?"
Insp. Trout: "The lavatory Sir."
Superintendent: "Highly appropriate!"
The murder scenes I liked best were the ones based on the curses of frogs and locusts. I won't give anything away, but I will say that the woman who is the victim of the locust murder took a sleeping pill prior to Phibes killing her. When you watch the film I think you will agree that the sleeping pill would not have made her sleep though her death.
Well, there is a final showdown between Phibes and Vesalius. Who wins? Which curse is out of order? What happens to Vesalius' son? What happens to Vulnavia? What happens to Phibes? Is Phibes really a Vulcan? I guess you will have to watch the movie now won't you? Bwahhahahahahaha!
The Abominable Dr. Phibes treads a fine line between full blown camp, gruesome horror and comedy. It is to the actor's and film makers' credit that it never strays too far in any one direction but remains an exciting and entertainingly fun movie from beginning to end. Check this one out. I think you will like it!
I kind of wish Vincent Price would return from the dead.
Dutch Treat: Christoffel Robertus Double Malted Dutch Lager
Beerbrewery St. Christoffel was founded in 1986 in Roermond, Dutch Limburg, Holland.
Christoffel Robertus is 6% ABV and I would estimate about 20 to 30 IBU.
The color is a lovely deep amber, almost red. Because the beer is made according to the 1516 Beer Purity Law, it is unfiltered and unpasteurized. This results in the beer being slightly cloudy. It forms a nice white head with rather large bubbles that is somewhat persistent. This is a double malt lager and the aroma lets you know it! You get a smooth odor of sweet malt and hops.
The flavor is all about the malt. There is a slight sweetness at first that slowly and smoothly turns to malty, hoppy dryness. The finish is nicely bitter, never harsh. These flavors change gently and make this a very drinkable beer.
A good lager from a relatively young European brewery. If you like American lager, but would like to try something a bit more robust, but not too radically different, give Christoffel Robertus a try. Recommended.
Christoffel also makes Christoffel Blond Double Hopped Dutch Lager. There is a sequel to The Abominable Dr. Phibes called Dr. Phibes Rises Again. Hmmm...
Yeah, he participated on a Michael Jackson record, but I can forgive him that. And it was his fame as a great horror actor that got him that gig in the first place.
Today's review is of one of Mr. Price's most enjoyable movies: The Abominable Dr. Phibes.
The Plot:
Dr. Anton Phibes lost his beloved wife on the operating table years ago. He died soon after in a firery car crash. Now someone seems to be killing off members of the surgical team who treated Mrs. Phibes. The police try to not only catch the fiend, but also protect the potential victims.
The Hook:
We know from the start that the mysterious killer is Dr. Phibes. Dr. Phibes (who has PhD's in music and theology) is a brilliant inventor - and a hate filled maniac! But the question is: is Phibes a revenant returned from the grave, or did he survive the crash? Either way it is obvious that he has planned out his revenge in meticulous detail.
The Goodies:
The Abominable Dr. Phibes proves that talented people can make a very entertaining film with a small budget. Filmed in England and released in 1971 by EMI-MGM via AIP, this flick is a treat!
The period is never really specified, but judging by the cars, technology and clothing, I would say the film takes place in the early 1930's. Now, there are two places that seem anachronistic to this time period. One is the home of Dr. Vesalius (Joseph Cotten), the lead surgeon on the team who worked on Mrs. Phibes and therefore Dr. Phibes most hated target. Dr. Vesalius' home almost screams 1970. Mod patterned paneling and mirrors on the walls and chrome and glass furniture jump out at you. The other odd set is the home of Dr. Phibes. Like I said, he is brilliant and a full blown bull-moose loony and his digs reflect this. He has a red plastic pipe organ on an elevator platform that lets him ride up to the main floor or down to the basement while he plays. He has a fully functional clockwork band, "Dr. Phibes Clockwork Wizards", that play in the main floor ballroom - which has a partial glass floor! He also has at least one laboratory - you knew he had to have a laboratory didn' t you! Come on! He's a evil genius in a horror movie! Of course he has a laboratory!
He also has a minion. A beautiful young woman named Vulnavia who, we learn, just happens to look very much like the late Victoria Regina Phibes. Vulnavia (Virginia North) is a loyal and silent assistant to Phibes as well as a companion. There are several scenes where they dance together to music played by the clockwork band. These are rather surreal scenes with Phibes and Vulnavia dressed in eccentric formal attire. These scenes give the impression that Phibes is recreating the memories of a happy life. One could interpret Vulnavia as another one of Phibes' creations, though a scene near the end of the film implies that she is human.
Phibes puts his knowledge of the bible to work and schemes to kill all of the surgical team using the curses rained down upon Egypt just prior to Exodus as a theme. Thoses curses are: 1. boils, 2. bats, 3. frogs, 4. blood, 5. rats, 6. hail, 7. beasts, 8. locusts, 9. death of the first born and 10. darkness. Although the film makes the point that the killings will follow this list, one of the murders is out of order.
The scenes where Phibes kills those he considers guilty of killing his wife are the heart of the movie. They are great evil genius extravagant murders that Phibes takes great pleasure in committing and witnessing. Phibes is there to observe all the deaths. When he has completed a kill, he burns the face off wax busts of the victims. As Phibes says to a picture of his wife, "Nine killed you. Nine shall die!" Hmmm. Ten curses, nine victims. Who will be the victim of the curse of darkness?
We know that Phibes must be mutilated from the car crash in some way because we see him apply false ears and a wig early in the film. Additionally, it is plain that his face is a mask. He has created an electronic device to allow himself to talk. It requires plugging a cord to an amplifier into a socket on the back of his neck. When he speaks it is halting and slightly mechanical sounding. Mostly he speaks to pictures of his dead wife; played by Caroline Munro a gorgeous model/actress who was in many b-movies from the late 60's to the mid 80's. We only see her in pictures and a crypt. There are two funny scenes in which Phibes drinks champagne and tastes a concoction he is making via his neck socket. These scenes are made much more enjoyable by the entirely serious look on Price's face!
While Phibes is getting his dirty work done, Scotland Yard is desperately trying to stop him. The investigation is headed by Inspector Trout, played by British actor Peter Jeffrey. Jeffrey's portrayal of Insp. Trout is wonderful! He presents the aspect of an intelligent man who is world and politically weary, insightful, compassionate and nervous. His sergeant gives him some information about the case and asks what he thinks. Trout sighs, "Oh I don't think anymore Tom." Others seem to always get his name wrong, referring to the wrong fish, especially the Superintendent who calls him "Pike", "Breem" and "Perch"! The super is not pleased with Trout's progress:
Superintendent: "Where are you off to now Trout?"
Insp. Trout: "The lavatory Sir."
Superintendent: "Highly appropriate!"
The murder scenes I liked best were the ones based on the curses of frogs and locusts. I won't give anything away, but I will say that the woman who is the victim of the locust murder took a sleeping pill prior to Phibes killing her. When you watch the film I think you will agree that the sleeping pill would not have made her sleep though her death.
Well, there is a final showdown between Phibes and Vesalius. Who wins? Which curse is out of order? What happens to Vesalius' son? What happens to Vulnavia? What happens to Phibes? Is Phibes really a Vulcan? I guess you will have to watch the movie now won't you? Bwahhahahahahaha!
The Abominable Dr. Phibes treads a fine line between full blown camp, gruesome horror and comedy. It is to the actor's and film makers' credit that it never strays too far in any one direction but remains an exciting and entertainingly fun movie from beginning to end. Check this one out. I think you will like it!
I kind of wish Vincent Price would return from the dead.
Dutch Treat: Christoffel Robertus Double Malted Dutch Lager
Beerbrewery St. Christoffel was founded in 1986 in Roermond, Dutch Limburg, Holland.
Christoffel Robertus is 6% ABV and I would estimate about 20 to 30 IBU.
The color is a lovely deep amber, almost red. Because the beer is made according to the 1516 Beer Purity Law, it is unfiltered and unpasteurized. This results in the beer being slightly cloudy. It forms a nice white head with rather large bubbles that is somewhat persistent. This is a double malt lager and the aroma lets you know it! You get a smooth odor of sweet malt and hops.
The flavor is all about the malt. There is a slight sweetness at first that slowly and smoothly turns to malty, hoppy dryness. The finish is nicely bitter, never harsh. These flavors change gently and make this a very drinkable beer.
A good lager from a relatively young European brewery. If you like American lager, but would like to try something a bit more robust, but not too radically different, give Christoffel Robertus a try. Recommended.
Christoffel also makes Christoffel Blond Double Hopped Dutch Lager. There is a sequel to The Abominable Dr. Phibes called Dr. Phibes Rises Again. Hmmm...
Thursday, June 02, 2005
I like my stout like I like my women...
Well, here we are with the second review for Bibliobabe. As you may recall, we are searching for a beer that is "sweet & yummy."
At Bibliobabe's suggestion, I tried Young's Double Chocolate Stout. I liked it. But the question is, will it satisfy the ever finicky Bibliobabe?
First let me mention that there is some question as to the actual name of this brew. The label on the 1 pint 0.9 oz bottle has the word luxury in small script between the words Young's and Double. So is it really Young's Luxury Double Chocolate Stout? Maybe, but none of my references include the word luxury. Hey, the world is imperfect. What are ya going to do?
Because this is a stout, I guess I will have to give you a quick introduction to this style of ale. Okay, quick and dirty intro on stout. Stout evolved from porter. Porter is a style of ale that originated in England. Porters are dark and robust. These qualities come from the fact that the grains are roasted prior to brewing. Legend has it that the guys who worked the docks (porters) loved this new style and so it was named after them. Stout started as attempts to make an even darker and richer version of ale than porter.
That's all I will give you now. Perhaps I will write more about the style's history when I review Guinness - the stout standard.
Now, BB got all excited when she saw that this was a chocolate stout. I should mention that BB likes chocolate. I was not impressed when she originally suggested Young's Double Chocolate Stout because I know that the term "chocolate" is a taste descriptor for stouts and heavier ales that does not mean that the brew contains chocolate, but that there is a chocolate character to the taste. I was surprised to find out that Young's does indeed include chocolate and chocolate extract in this beer during brewing.
First, the numbers: 5.2% ABV and I would guess 20 to 40 IBU.
Young's DCS is a very attractive dark brown color with ruby highlights, best seen at the edge of the glass when held up to the light. It has a soft foamy light brown head that shows the characteristic small dense bubbles of most stouts. These bubbles come from the fact that stouts usually contain nitrogen as well as carbon dioxide. You can sometimes see these small bubbles traveling downward along the side of the glass.
The beer has a pleasant roasted malty aroma similar to coffee with a bit of chocolate. Kind of like one of those foo-foo coffees you can get wherever the black sweater beret and clove cigarette crowd hangs out. I also thought it smelled a little like Boston brown bread. If you don't know what Boston brown bread is I ain't going to take up space here to describe it, but I will mention that it is made with dark molasses.
Let me say right now that, as a guy who likes stout, I found Young's DCS unexpectedly good. It is very smooth, which is not uncommon for stouts. The thing that impressed me, that I was not expecting, was that the overall body was not as creamy as I though it would be. This is a complex little brew. I got tastes of mild coffee, several aspects of malt, some spice that I could not really put my finger on (anise?), toffee and yes chocolate. Well, maybe cacao would be a better term than chocolate. You see cacao straight from the tree is very bitter. It takes a ton of sugar to turn cacao into chocolate. The taste I experienced was of bitter chocolate - like Baker's chocolate. This bitterness pounces on you during the finish and lingers during a short aftertaste.
Some reviews have called this beer sweet. That is true, but that is a beer snob's version of sweet. Remember, bitter is a primary beer taste. If a beer does not start bitter or sour right off the bat and if it is very malty, a beer snob will call it sweet.
Young and Co. Brewery is located in Wandsworth, London, England. The fact that this "sweet" beer is actually quite bitter is not surprising - after all, the Brits have a style of beer named "bitter."
To sum up: I like this stout. It was much more flavorful and complex than I expected. It's richness does not make me want to drink too much of it, but it would be nice for the holidays. As for Bibliobabe - well since she told me about a wine that when drunk with chocolate chips tastes like chocolate covered cherries - something tells me she would find this beer none too sweet.
I guess the quest continues. Yah mule!
At Bibliobabe's suggestion, I tried Young's Double Chocolate Stout. I liked it. But the question is, will it satisfy the ever finicky Bibliobabe?
First let me mention that there is some question as to the actual name of this brew. The label on the 1 pint 0.9 oz bottle has the word luxury in small script between the words Young's and Double. So is it really Young's Luxury Double Chocolate Stout? Maybe, but none of my references include the word luxury. Hey, the world is imperfect. What are ya going to do?
Because this is a stout, I guess I will have to give you a quick introduction to this style of ale. Okay, quick and dirty intro on stout. Stout evolved from porter. Porter is a style of ale that originated in England. Porters are dark and robust. These qualities come from the fact that the grains are roasted prior to brewing. Legend has it that the guys who worked the docks (porters) loved this new style and so it was named after them. Stout started as attempts to make an even darker and richer version of ale than porter.
That's all I will give you now. Perhaps I will write more about the style's history when I review Guinness - the stout standard.
Now, BB got all excited when she saw that this was a chocolate stout. I should mention that BB likes chocolate. I was not impressed when she originally suggested Young's Double Chocolate Stout because I know that the term "chocolate" is a taste descriptor for stouts and heavier ales that does not mean that the brew contains chocolate, but that there is a chocolate character to the taste. I was surprised to find out that Young's does indeed include chocolate and chocolate extract in this beer during brewing.
First, the numbers: 5.2% ABV and I would guess 20 to 40 IBU.
Young's DCS is a very attractive dark brown color with ruby highlights, best seen at the edge of the glass when held up to the light. It has a soft foamy light brown head that shows the characteristic small dense bubbles of most stouts. These bubbles come from the fact that stouts usually contain nitrogen as well as carbon dioxide. You can sometimes see these small bubbles traveling downward along the side of the glass.
The beer has a pleasant roasted malty aroma similar to coffee with a bit of chocolate. Kind of like one of those foo-foo coffees you can get wherever the black sweater beret and clove cigarette crowd hangs out. I also thought it smelled a little like Boston brown bread. If you don't know what Boston brown bread is I ain't going to take up space here to describe it, but I will mention that it is made with dark molasses.
Let me say right now that, as a guy who likes stout, I found Young's DCS unexpectedly good. It is very smooth, which is not uncommon for stouts. The thing that impressed me, that I was not expecting, was that the overall body was not as creamy as I though it would be. This is a complex little brew. I got tastes of mild coffee, several aspects of malt, some spice that I could not really put my finger on (anise?), toffee and yes chocolate. Well, maybe cacao would be a better term than chocolate. You see cacao straight from the tree is very bitter. It takes a ton of sugar to turn cacao into chocolate. The taste I experienced was of bitter chocolate - like Baker's chocolate. This bitterness pounces on you during the finish and lingers during a short aftertaste.
Some reviews have called this beer sweet. That is true, but that is a beer snob's version of sweet. Remember, bitter is a primary beer taste. If a beer does not start bitter or sour right off the bat and if it is very malty, a beer snob will call it sweet.
Young and Co. Brewery is located in Wandsworth, London, England. The fact that this "sweet" beer is actually quite bitter is not surprising - after all, the Brits have a style of beer named "bitter."
To sum up: I like this stout. It was much more flavorful and complex than I expected. It's richness does not make me want to drink too much of it, but it would be nice for the holidays. As for Bibliobabe - well since she told me about a wine that when drunk with chocolate chips tastes like chocolate covered cherries - something tells me she would find this beer none too sweet.
I guess the quest continues. Yah mule!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
"What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?"
Courage! That's what we need right now folks, courage and lots of it! For we are about to embark on a perilous journey. The road ahead is dark; the night full of shadows. Some of us may not make it to our destination. Many may fall by the wayside 'for we discover the wonders that await us. But will we pause? Will we tremble in fear? Will we let phantoms and halfwits deter us from our objective? Well, maybe.
Tighten your belts, make sure your packs are resting comfortably on your shoulders, please put your traytables in the upright and locked position. We are about to start our quest for that most elusive of beasts: a beer that is "sweet and yummy."
I was IM'ing a friend of mine and she mentioned that she did not care for beer because she had not found one that was, well, sweet and yummy. Okay, so I have a repetition problem. I can handle it.
So with this post I start a continuing search for a beer Bibliobabe might enjoy.
Well, there are many beers that can be classified as sweet. However, remember that hops are often used in beer and since they yield an acid, they tend to make beer at least a little bitter. When I worked in QA the technique I just used was called "covering your ass".
If we want sweet, then a good place to start would be with fruit beers. Fruit beers are, uh..., well..., beers made with fruit. I can handle it! There are many different fruit beers. It really just depends on how the brewer is willing to experiment. Certain Belgian fruit beers are called lambics and can be an acquired taste. Have you got the impression by now that Belgians like to play around with beer?
And so, the first potential sweet and yummy beer is: Pyramid Apricot Ale.
Pyramid Apricot Ale is made by Pyramid Breweries Inc. in Seattle, WA and Berkeley, CA. It contains 5.10% ABV and I would estimate a rather low IBU rating perhaps in the 5 - 10 range.
The beer is based on wheat ale, which as the name implies contains a higher proportion of wheat to barley. This produces a mellow often cloudy light colored beer. The cloudiness comes from proteins in the wheat. To this wheat ale base has been added...apricots! Ha! Caught you off-guard there didn't I?
I would recommend that you only pour about half a glass of this at a time. Why? Because when you tilt the glass to drink, you get a nosefull of the aroma. Guess what it smells like. If you said rotting fish heads, stop reading this right now and go and hit yourself on the head several times with a ballpeen hammer. The apricot aroma is very nice. Sweet, but not too strong.
The beer is an attractive deep golden yellow - almost orange - color. It is cloudy and I would bet that this is due to the apricots as much as the wheat. It forms a pleasant, but not very persistent head.
Now the crucial part - the taste! How does it taste? What subtle flavors come through? Can you guess? If you said mustard and green beans please slam your hand in a car door. It's okay, well wait. Well, not surprisingly, Pyramid Apricot Ale tastes like apricots. But not just apricots! This is where this beer surprised me. There is a very subtle wheat and hop flavor, it's only a hint really, but it is there. The place where the hop influence comes through is in the finish. "Finish" is a beer snob term that means the last taste you have as you swallow. The finish of this beer is as follows:
You start to perceive a slight sour taste mostly on the side and back of your tongue - not unpleasant. This sour taste grows quickly until you think that you are going to pucker, but then suddenly the sour taste stops - just like that! I won't get too pretentious here, but that finish means that the brewers knew what they were doing. If that sour taste had kept getting stronger it would have spoiled the whole beer, instead it just makes it more interesting. Well done Pyramid!
So, is Pyramid Apricot Ale our fabled sweet & yummy? I would be disappointed if I fulfilled the quest after one attempt! However, I do recommend Bibliobabe give this one a try. It's got the sweet, but the yummy is all up to her.
Cheers!
Tighten your belts, make sure your packs are resting comfortably on your shoulders, please put your traytables in the upright and locked position. We are about to start our quest for that most elusive of beasts: a beer that is "sweet and yummy."
I was IM'ing a friend of mine and she mentioned that she did not care for beer because she had not found one that was, well, sweet and yummy. Okay, so I have a repetition problem. I can handle it.
So with this post I start a continuing search for a beer Bibliobabe might enjoy.
Well, there are many beers that can be classified as sweet. However, remember that hops are often used in beer and since they yield an acid, they tend to make beer at least a little bitter. When I worked in QA the technique I just used was called "covering your ass".
If we want sweet, then a good place to start would be with fruit beers. Fruit beers are, uh..., well..., beers made with fruit. I can handle it! There are many different fruit beers. It really just depends on how the brewer is willing to experiment. Certain Belgian fruit beers are called lambics and can be an acquired taste. Have you got the impression by now that Belgians like to play around with beer?
And so, the first potential sweet and yummy beer is: Pyramid Apricot Ale.
Pyramid Apricot Ale is made by Pyramid Breweries Inc. in Seattle, WA and Berkeley, CA. It contains 5.10% ABV and I would estimate a rather low IBU rating perhaps in the 5 - 10 range.
The beer is based on wheat ale, which as the name implies contains a higher proportion of wheat to barley. This produces a mellow often cloudy light colored beer. The cloudiness comes from proteins in the wheat. To this wheat ale base has been added...apricots! Ha! Caught you off-guard there didn't I?
I would recommend that you only pour about half a glass of this at a time. Why? Because when you tilt the glass to drink, you get a nosefull of the aroma. Guess what it smells like. If you said rotting fish heads, stop reading this right now and go and hit yourself on the head several times with a ballpeen hammer. The apricot aroma is very nice. Sweet, but not too strong.
The beer is an attractive deep golden yellow - almost orange - color. It is cloudy and I would bet that this is due to the apricots as much as the wheat. It forms a pleasant, but not very persistent head.
Now the crucial part - the taste! How does it taste? What subtle flavors come through? Can you guess? If you said mustard and green beans please slam your hand in a car door. It's okay, well wait. Well, not surprisingly, Pyramid Apricot Ale tastes like apricots. But not just apricots! This is where this beer surprised me. There is a very subtle wheat and hop flavor, it's only a hint really, but it is there. The place where the hop influence comes through is in the finish. "Finish" is a beer snob term that means the last taste you have as you swallow. The finish of this beer is as follows:
You start to perceive a slight sour taste mostly on the side and back of your tongue - not unpleasant. This sour taste grows quickly until you think that you are going to pucker, but then suddenly the sour taste stops - just like that! I won't get too pretentious here, but that finish means that the brewers knew what they were doing. If that sour taste had kept getting stronger it would have spoiled the whole beer, instead it just makes it more interesting. Well done Pyramid!
So, is Pyramid Apricot Ale our fabled sweet & yummy? I would be disappointed if I fulfilled the quest after one attempt! However, I do recommend Bibliobabe give this one a try. It's got the sweet, but the yummy is all up to her.
Cheers!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
"Run! It's Godzilla!" "It looks like Godzilla but, due to international copyright laws, it's not!" "Still we should run like it is Godzilla!"
Well boys and girls, friends and neighbors, children of all ages, it just wouldn't be life in the frickin twenty-first century, it just wouldn't be computer work, it just wouldn't be the internet, if there weren't problems popin up over and over again! Dag Nabit! Carn flabit!
My spies tell me that those of you who use Mozilla based web browsers (you know who you are) may not be able to enjoy The Duh Spot to the fullest. It seems that the text on The Duh Spot is not wrapped well when viewed on some Mozilla based web browsers.
Okay, I admit it, I'm lazy. I still use Internet Explorer. Yes, I'm scum. I'm slime. I'm a menace to the golfing industry. Those of you who are self motivated enough to use one of Mozilla's browsers are the best of the best! Competition in the free marketplace; now who can argue with that! You went with the underdog, the little guy, the innovators - and God bless you for it!
I raise my glass to you! Nastrovia!
Well, all I can say is that the site looks fine on IE. If it looks sloppy to you, I am sorry. I'm working on it. I hope to be able to fix the problem, but ya know, this blog is a form of recreation for me. It's fun. I ain't gettin paid for this. So if the solution to the problem is too complicated or too much work, well you'll just have to live with the first few posts looking goofy. I think I know the root of the problem and can prevent it from cropping up in future posts. So I've got that going for me.
Please hang tough with me. I think we will have gobs 'o fun here together.
Until next time, remember, there are very few problems beer and cannons cannot solve.
-BigRuta
My spies tell me that those of you who use Mozilla based web browsers (you know who you are) may not be able to enjoy The Duh Spot to the fullest. It seems that the text on The Duh Spot is not wrapped well when viewed on some Mozilla based web browsers.
Okay, I admit it, I'm lazy. I still use Internet Explorer. Yes, I'm scum. I'm slime. I'm a menace to the golfing industry. Those of you who are self motivated enough to use one of Mozilla's browsers are the best of the best! Competition in the free marketplace; now who can argue with that! You went with the underdog, the little guy, the innovators - and God bless you for it!
I raise my glass to you! Nastrovia!
Well, all I can say is that the site looks fine on IE. If it looks sloppy to you, I am sorry. I'm working on it. I hope to be able to fix the problem, but ya know, this blog is a form of recreation for me. It's fun. I ain't gettin paid for this. So if the solution to the problem is too complicated or too much work, well you'll just have to live with the first few posts looking goofy. I think I know the root of the problem and can prevent it from cropping up in future posts. So I've got that going for me.
Please hang tough with me. I think we will have gobs 'o fun here together.
Until next time, remember, there are very few problems beer and cannons cannot solve.
-BigRuta
Saturday, May 21, 2005
"C'mon Doc. Everybody knows Japan makes the best stuff."
Or not.
Well, were talkin b-movies and what better place to start
than with a genuine Japanese giant monster flick.
Well, were talkin b-movies and what better place to start
than with a genuine Japanese giant monster flick.
Giant monsters have been a part of folklore and mythology since
before humans could talk. There is evidence to suggest that early
humans believed that there was a gigantic "mother mammoth"
from whom all the other mammoths that they hunted were spawned.
Giant monster movies were around during the silent years, but
I guess that most movie buffs would name King Kong (RKO 1933)
as the first real giant monster movie. Still Kong was a giant
version of a real animal, it would not be until the 1950's -
and the fear of atomic radiation - that the really strange
giant critters started runnin around the big screen.
The Japanese giant monster film genre started in 1954 with
Godzilla. These films became extremely popular with kids and
anybody who could appreciate the fun and absolutely wild
levels of imagination involved. For non-Japanese speakers an
added attraction was the dialog dubbing, which could range
from merely silly to downright hilarious.
Today Japanese giant monster movies have a huge fanbase. And
because of that fanbase, we need to get the terms correct:
"Daikaiju" or simply "Kaiju" = giant monster and "Kaiju Eiga"
= monster movie. If you want to speak of these films with a
true fan of Japanese giant monster movies, these are the
terms you will have to use.
Yeah, I know.
For my purposes, it is easier to write out two words than
four, so I will use the phrase daikaiju eiga in place of
Japanese giant monster movies. Why? Because this is my blog
and I can do whatever I want! Bwahhahahahahaha!
Anyway, Godzilla was made by Toho studios and by 1965 they
had made 6 daikaiju eiga featuring the big G. Naturally,
other Japanese movie studios saw how much money Toho was
making and reasoned that they had to get a piece of the
daikaiju eiga pie. Mmm...daikaiju eiga pie! Godzilla rip-offs
were a go! After the dust settled only one daikaiju eiga not
from Toho made any impression. That daikaiju eiga, stunningly
enough, was Gamera (Daiei studios 1965).
Gamera is the only Gamera flick to be shown in theaters in
the USA. The sequels were all sold straight to TV. As was
common practice, American distributors renamed the movie
several times, dubbed the movie several times and added
scenes with American actors. The two most common American
titles for the first Gamera film are: Gammera the Invincible
and Giant Monster Gamera. Gamera fanboys will point out that
Gammera the Invincible is the ONLY time when Gamera's name
was spelled with two m's.
Yeah, I know.
The version I watched was Gammera the Invincible.
The flick starts out with what I believe are supposed to be
Soviet TU-16 Badger bombers flying around North American
airspace in the Arctic. I say "supposed to be" because what
they so obviously are are models connected by wires. These
Soviet bombers are intercepted by models of American Air
Force F-106 Delta Darts, and one of the bombers is shot down.
At this point I would like to point out that with the
exception of most cars and one stock shot of a passenger jet
ALL of the vehicles in this flick are models. Painfully
obvious models. I will concede that when the Darts fire their
air-to-air missiles at the bombers, the effect is passable.
The downed Soviet model - uh, bomber - explodes upon impact
and since it was carrying atomic bombs, there is a nuclear
explosion. I won't get into how unlikely such an event would
be. Anyway, this is all witnessed buy a team of Japanese
scientists who are conducting some sort of field research
with Eskimos. Eskimos played by Japanese actors. Well, sorry
Daiei, but Toho beat you to the punch. In 1962's King Kong
vs. Godzilla, the black natives who live on Kong's island are
all Japanese actors.
Yeah, I know.
The scientists, who are led by a zoologist (more about him
soon), can plainly see the dogfight and resulting mushroom
cloud with their naked eyes. Their reaction: "Wow! That must
have been an atomic bomb to make such a big explosion!" Then
they get back to work. One would think that Japanese who were
all alive in 1945 would have a more dramatic response to
being within straight-line sighting distance of an atomic
explosion.
Well, THE BOMB releases Gammera from the interior of a
glacier. Gammera, as you can see from the pics, is a giant
(200 foot tall) turtle with big honkin tusks that nearly poke
his own eyes out. Oh and his eyes light up. Anyway, Gammera
sinks some ships, kills some Eskimos and heads for...wait for
it!...Japan!
Next we see some awful added scenes with American actors.
These folks make the Japanese cast all look like Olivier.
There is a news program where two guys debate the existence
of Gammera. The guy who does not believe such nonsense asks
the guy who says that Gammera may exist, "Where did you get
your degree? Made in Japan?" Thank you Mr. Buchanan. Then we
are treated to a newspaper headline that reads, "Giant Turtle
Baloney Say Scientists." Mmm...giant turtle baloney.
Next we meet a little Japanese boy named Toshino and his
family. Toshino is sad because his father and sister are
going to make him release his pet turtle whom he loves
<sniff, sniff>. The kid goes out and frees his turtle near
the family lighthouse. While he is doing this, Gammera sneaks
up on him. Seriously, the kid has no clue that a 200 foot
tall turtle has just come ashore a few yards from him. There
is a knee-slapper scene where Gammera peeks over the sea side
cliff sees Toshino and ducks before the kid turns around!
When Toshino does see Gammera he goes up to the top of the
lighthouse to get a better look. Then Gammera knocks the
lighthouse over, but saves the kid by catching him as he is
falling. This is used in the sequels as the set-up for Gamera
(one "m") becoming "the children's friend" <gag!>.
Okay moving right along...the Japanese military hatch a plot
to get Gammera on his back, cause everyone knows upside-down
turtles are helpless. Well, when they do succeed in flipping
Gammera over, he has a surprise for them. He pulls in his head
and feet and shoots fire from his leg holes and flies away!
And they did not see that coming!? Dumbasses!
Then we see a club full of Japanese teens dancing to the
latest hit "Gammera!" Here are the full lyrics to this mod
tune: "Gammera!...Gammera!...Gammera!...etc." A middle-aged
cop runs in and tells them that they must evacuate because
Gammera is heading straight for the building. One of the
young punks says, "We don't want to leave! We want to dance!
We can dance if we want to!" Okay, I made that last comment
up. Gratefully Gammera destroys the building and squishes the
teens. The middle-aged cop escapes thereby proving the folly
of youth.
Well, the brain trust, led by Dr. Hidaka (the zoologist)
discover that Gammera not only breaths fire (did I mention
that? yeah he breaths fire), not only shoots fire out of his
leg holes to fly, but actually EATS fire. the U.N. is
notified and realize that Gammera is a threat to the world's
gas and oil supply! If he did not eat fire, well nothing to
worry about, but since he does - he must go. The U.N.
supports "Plan Z" advanced by the scientists in Japan. It
will require the cooperation of the USA and USSR. When the
Soviet rep asks who will be in charge, he is told that Dr.
Hidaka will lead the effort. Everybody says, "Okay" and Plan
Z is a go! To recap; the governments of the USA and USSR are
placing their military and scientific resources under the
command of a Japanese zoologist. YOU GO DR. H!!!
The plan is to lure Gammera to a space center by rolling
train tanker cars full of gas down to him like m&m's. While
this is happening, Toshino (the little whiny brat) is
determined to warn Gammera. He tells folks, "He's just big
and clumsy. If people were nice to Gammera, I bet he could
be trained to be nice and quiet like other turtles." I kept
shouting at the screen, "Just smack him!" But no one did.
Toshino almost gets killed riding a fuel tanker car toward
Gammera, but is saved at the last minute by the crew foreman.
They jump off just as the tanker explodes - and of course
don't get hurt. Damn. Oh, by the way, the foreman is named
O'Neal!
So Gammera ends up right where they want him, is captured
inside the nosecone of a frickin huge rocket and fired off to
Mars. Toshino waves and shouts, "Sayonara Gammera!" then the
words "THE END. Sayonara Gammera." appear on screen.
Gammera the Invincible makes Godzilla look like Shakespeare.
Gammera looks like a toy - a cheap toy. Yeah Godzilla has
looked pretty ratty in some of his incarnations, but Geez
just look at the pics!
I remember liking Gamera when I was little. However, I do not
recall ever seeing this first gamera movie. The ones I
remember were in color and featured Gamera fighting other
monsters to save the Earth, or specifically the children of the
Earth. He is the children's friend, ya know <double gag!>. I
also remember that the monster combat scenes were punctuated
by gore. That's right, green, blue, purple and sometimes red
blood spewing from wounds and limbs and heads being sliced or
ripped off with great fountains of monster blood! Cool! None
of that is in Gammera the Invincible.
The other element that can liven up a dumb movie is babeage.
Not in Gammera. The only two female cast members, Toshino's
sister and Dr. Hidaka's assistant, are homely. Only later
would Toho and Daiei realize that the little boys who loved
their daikaiju eiga were getting older and would appreciate
some cute girls in mini-skirts and cat-suits.
Overall I would say Gammera the Invincible would be a fun
movie to watch and heckle with like minded friends. It's not
such a great solo time waster.
Gammera is lucky he chose Japan to attack. If he had attacked
the USA an army or Cajuns from Louisiana would catch him and
have a giant turtle gumbo festival. I gaarontee!
By the way, just like Godzilla, Gamera had a big budget
make-over in the 1990's. Can't give an opinion cause I've not
seen any of the modern Gamera movies. Will I? Hard to say, as
of today, I have no ambition to do so.
I dare you to check out this site:
http://www.neomonsterisland.com/kgirls.htm
I double-dog-dare you!
No, I don't know - and I don't think I want to know!
Sapporo! The beer to drink when the only other choice is Bud.
Well, since I was going to watch a Japanese movie, I figured
I'd have myself some brew from the land of the rising sun.
Sapporo is one of the oldest Japanese beers. First brewed by
the Kaitakushi Brewery in 1876. Sapporo is brewed and
distributed by contract by Guinness in Ireland and Sleeman in
Canada.
I had Sapporo Premium Lager which comes in a 22 oz. steel can
as well as 12 oz. bottles. My Sapporo was from the can. the
can is shaped like a pilsner glass and has 20 sides. The can
is made of steel and is quite tough. I successfully stood on
top of the empty can without crushing it. That is impressive
when you consider that I weigh nearly 300 lbs.
Unfortunately, the can is the only impressive thing about
Sapporo. The company's web site states that their product
comes from their brewmasters, "carefully controlling the
process almost as if they are able to talk with yeast."
Yeah, I know.
Well if they can talk to the yeast, they must be saying,
"Take it easy! Don't strain yourself!" Hahaha! Get it? Yeast?
Strain? Oh nevermind.
Sapporo Premium Lager is 4.9% ABV. I could not find an IBU
rating for this beer, but rest assured it ain't high. The
beer is a light yellow color with a slight hoppy aroma and a
persistent white foamy head. It does look nice, I'll give
them that.
The problem is that there is nothing distinctive about
Sapporo. Nothing. Think tame. Think bland. Hell, even Bud has
a distinctive skunk-funk about it. It's not a good thing, but
it is distinctive. Sapporo got nada.
The taste is very smooth and light. Not very hoppy at all.
Very little bitterness and not dry either. Sapporo does have
a very slight sour aftertaste that is soon gone.
Sapporo is quite close to being yellow water. That can't be a
good thing.
Verdict: Sapporo proves Japan can make weak bland mass market
lager just as well as the USA. Drink this only if the other
choices are unacceptable.
It might go well with turtle gumbo.
-BigRuta
Questions, comments and requests encouraged!
Giant monster movies were around during the silent years, but
I guess that most movie buffs would name King Kong (RKO 1933)
as the first real giant monster movie. Still Kong was a giant
version of a real animal, it would not be until the 1950's -
and the fear of atomic radiation - that the really strange
giant critters started runnin around the big screen.
The Japanese giant monster film genre started in 1954 with
Godzilla. These films became extremely popular with kids and
anybody who could appreciate the fun and absolutely wild
levels of imagination involved. For non-Japanese speakers an
added attraction was the dialog dubbing, which could range
from merely silly to downright hilarious.
Today Japanese giant monster movies have a huge fanbase. And
because of that fanbase, we need to get the terms correct:
"Daikaiju" or simply "Kaiju" = giant monster and "Kaiju Eiga"
= monster movie. If you want to speak of these films with a
true fan of Japanese giant monster movies, these are the
terms you will have to use.
Yeah, I know.
For my purposes, it is easier to write out two words than
four, so I will use the phrase daikaiju eiga in place of
Japanese giant monster movies. Why? Because this is my blog
and I can do whatever I want! Bwahhahahahahaha!
Anyway, Godzilla was made by Toho studios and by 1965 they
had made 6 daikaiju eiga featuring the big G. Naturally,
other Japanese movie studios saw how much money Toho was
making and reasoned that they had to get a piece of the
daikaiju eiga pie. Mmm...daikaiju eiga pie! Godzilla rip-offs
were a go! After the dust settled only one daikaiju eiga not
from Toho made any impression. That daikaiju eiga, stunningly
enough, was Gamera (Daiei studios 1965).
Gamera is the only Gamera flick to be shown in theaters in
the USA. The sequels were all sold straight to TV. As was
common practice, American distributors renamed the movie
several times, dubbed the movie several times and added
scenes with American actors. The two most common American
titles for the first Gamera film are: Gammera the Invincible
and Giant Monster Gamera. Gamera fanboys will point out that
Gammera the Invincible is the ONLY time when Gamera's name
was spelled with two m's.
Yeah, I know.
The version I watched was Gammera the Invincible.
The flick starts out with what I believe are supposed to be
Soviet TU-16 Badger bombers flying around North American
airspace in the Arctic. I say "supposed to be" because what
they so obviously are are models connected by wires. These
Soviet bombers are intercepted by models of American Air
Force F-106 Delta Darts, and one of the bombers is shot down.
At this point I would like to point out that with the
exception of most cars and one stock shot of a passenger jet
ALL of the vehicles in this flick are models. Painfully
obvious models. I will concede that when the Darts fire their
air-to-air missiles at the bombers, the effect is passable.
The downed Soviet model - uh, bomber - explodes upon impact
and since it was carrying atomic bombs, there is a nuclear
explosion. I won't get into how unlikely such an event would
be. Anyway, this is all witnessed buy a team of Japanese
scientists who are conducting some sort of field research
with Eskimos. Eskimos played by Japanese actors. Well, sorry
Daiei, but Toho beat you to the punch. In 1962's King Kong
vs. Godzilla, the black natives who live on Kong's island are
all Japanese actors.
Yeah, I know.
The scientists, who are led by a zoologist (more about him
soon), can plainly see the dogfight and resulting mushroom
cloud with their naked eyes. Their reaction: "Wow! That must
have been an atomic bomb to make such a big explosion!" Then
they get back to work. One would think that Japanese who were
all alive in 1945 would have a more dramatic response to
being within straight-line sighting distance of an atomic
explosion.
Well, THE BOMB releases Gammera from the interior of a
glacier. Gammera, as you can see from the pics, is a giant
(200 foot tall) turtle with big honkin tusks that nearly poke
his own eyes out. Oh and his eyes light up. Anyway, Gammera
sinks some ships, kills some Eskimos and heads for...wait for
it!...Japan!
Next we see some awful added scenes with American actors.
These folks make the Japanese cast all look like Olivier.
There is a news program where two guys debate the existence
of Gammera. The guy who does not believe such nonsense asks
the guy who says that Gammera may exist, "Where did you get
your degree? Made in Japan?" Thank you Mr. Buchanan. Then we
are treated to a newspaper headline that reads, "Giant Turtle
Baloney Say Scientists." Mmm...giant turtle baloney.
Next we meet a little Japanese boy named Toshino and his
family. Toshino is sad because his father and sister are
going to make him release his pet turtle whom he loves
<sniff, sniff>. The kid goes out and frees his turtle near
the family lighthouse. While he is doing this, Gammera sneaks
up on him. Seriously, the kid has no clue that a 200 foot
tall turtle has just come ashore a few yards from him. There
is a knee-slapper scene where Gammera peeks over the sea side
cliff sees Toshino and ducks before the kid turns around!
When Toshino does see Gammera he goes up to the top of the
lighthouse to get a better look. Then Gammera knocks the
lighthouse over, but saves the kid by catching him as he is
falling. This is used in the sequels as the set-up for Gamera
(one "m") becoming "the children's friend" <gag!>.
Okay moving right along...the Japanese military hatch a plot
to get Gammera on his back, cause everyone knows upside-down
turtles are helpless. Well, when they do succeed in flipping
Gammera over, he has a surprise for them. He pulls in his head
and feet and shoots fire from his leg holes and flies away!
And they did not see that coming!? Dumbasses!
Then we see a club full of Japanese teens dancing to the
latest hit "Gammera!" Here are the full lyrics to this mod
tune: "Gammera!...Gammera!...Gammera!...etc." A middle-aged
cop runs in and tells them that they must evacuate because
Gammera is heading straight for the building. One of the
young punks says, "We don't want to leave! We want to dance!
We can dance if we want to!" Okay, I made that last comment
up. Gratefully Gammera destroys the building and squishes the
teens. The middle-aged cop escapes thereby proving the folly
of youth.
Well, the brain trust, led by Dr. Hidaka (the zoologist)
discover that Gammera not only breaths fire (did I mention
that? yeah he breaths fire), not only shoots fire out of his
leg holes to fly, but actually EATS fire. the U.N. is
notified and realize that Gammera is a threat to the world's
gas and oil supply! If he did not eat fire, well nothing to
worry about, but since he does - he must go. The U.N.
supports "Plan Z" advanced by the scientists in Japan. It
will require the cooperation of the USA and USSR. When the
Soviet rep asks who will be in charge, he is told that Dr.
Hidaka will lead the effort. Everybody says, "Okay" and Plan
Z is a go! To recap; the governments of the USA and USSR are
placing their military and scientific resources under the
command of a Japanese zoologist. YOU GO DR. H!!!
The plan is to lure Gammera to a space center by rolling
train tanker cars full of gas down to him like m&m's. While
this is happening, Toshino (the little whiny brat) is
determined to warn Gammera. He tells folks, "He's just big
and clumsy. If people were nice to Gammera, I bet he could
be trained to be nice and quiet like other turtles." I kept
shouting at the screen, "Just smack him!" But no one did.
Toshino almost gets killed riding a fuel tanker car toward
Gammera, but is saved at the last minute by the crew foreman.
They jump off just as the tanker explodes - and of course
don't get hurt. Damn. Oh, by the way, the foreman is named
O'Neal!
So Gammera ends up right where they want him, is captured
inside the nosecone of a frickin huge rocket and fired off to
Mars. Toshino waves and shouts, "Sayonara Gammera!" then the
words "THE END. Sayonara Gammera." appear on screen.
Gammera the Invincible makes Godzilla look like Shakespeare.
Gammera looks like a toy - a cheap toy. Yeah Godzilla has
looked pretty ratty in some of his incarnations, but Geez
just look at the pics!
I remember liking Gamera when I was little. However, I do not
recall ever seeing this first gamera movie. The ones I
remember were in color and featured Gamera fighting other
monsters to save the Earth, or specifically the children of the
Earth. He is the children's friend, ya know <double gag!>. I
also remember that the monster combat scenes were punctuated
by gore. That's right, green, blue, purple and sometimes red
blood spewing from wounds and limbs and heads being sliced or
ripped off with great fountains of monster blood! Cool! None
of that is in Gammera the Invincible.
The other element that can liven up a dumb movie is babeage.
Not in Gammera. The only two female cast members, Toshino's
sister and Dr. Hidaka's assistant, are homely. Only later
would Toho and Daiei realize that the little boys who loved
their daikaiju eiga were getting older and would appreciate
some cute girls in mini-skirts and cat-suits.
Overall I would say Gammera the Invincible would be a fun
movie to watch and heckle with like minded friends. It's not
such a great solo time waster.
Gammera is lucky he chose Japan to attack. If he had attacked
the USA an army or Cajuns from Louisiana would catch him and
have a giant turtle gumbo festival. I gaarontee!
By the way, just like Godzilla, Gamera had a big budget
make-over in the 1990's. Can't give an opinion cause I've not
seen any of the modern Gamera movies. Will I? Hard to say, as
of today, I have no ambition to do so.
I dare you to check out this site:
http://www.neomonsterisland.com/kgirls.htm
I double-dog-dare you!
No, I don't know - and I don't think I want to know!
Sapporo! The beer to drink when the only other choice is Bud.
Well, since I was going to watch a Japanese movie, I figured
I'd have myself some brew from the land of the rising sun.
Sapporo is one of the oldest Japanese beers. First brewed by
the Kaitakushi Brewery in 1876. Sapporo is brewed and
distributed by contract by Guinness in Ireland and Sleeman in
Canada.
I had Sapporo Premium Lager which comes in a 22 oz. steel can
as well as 12 oz. bottles. My Sapporo was from the can. the
can is shaped like a pilsner glass and has 20 sides. The can
is made of steel and is quite tough. I successfully stood on
top of the empty can without crushing it. That is impressive
when you consider that I weigh nearly 300 lbs.
Unfortunately, the can is the only impressive thing about
Sapporo. The company's web site states that their product
comes from their brewmasters, "carefully controlling the
process almost as if they are able to talk with yeast."
Yeah, I know.
Well if they can talk to the yeast, they must be saying,
"Take it easy! Don't strain yourself!" Hahaha! Get it? Yeast?
Strain? Oh nevermind.
Sapporo Premium Lager is 4.9% ABV. I could not find an IBU
rating for this beer, but rest assured it ain't high. The
beer is a light yellow color with a slight hoppy aroma and a
persistent white foamy head. It does look nice, I'll give
them that.
The problem is that there is nothing distinctive about
Sapporo. Nothing. Think tame. Think bland. Hell, even Bud has
a distinctive skunk-funk about it. It's not a good thing, but
it is distinctive. Sapporo got nada.
The taste is very smooth and light. Not very hoppy at all.
Very little bitterness and not dry either. Sapporo does have
a very slight sour aftertaste that is soon gone.
Sapporo is quite close to being yellow water. That can't be a
good thing.
Verdict: Sapporo proves Japan can make weak bland mass market
lager just as well as the USA. Drink this only if the other
choices are unacceptable.
It might go well with turtle gumbo.
-BigRuta
Questions, comments and requests encouraged!
Saturday, May 14, 2005
"It's only a movie...It's only a movie..."
Two posts in one day! Zowwie!
Well, you have had your beer intro, now lets talk B-Movies. Don't panic! This post won't be as long as the Beer Primer.
I guess a good place to start is to try to define what I mean by the term "b-movie".
The original definition was a film made cheaply, employing non-star cast members (usually young unknowns or older stars that could no longer find better work) and crew. The big budget films with the well known stars were "A-List" movies. The b-movie production houses were kind of like minor league sports teams. Actors, directors, editors, effect folks, etc. would work in b-movies hoping to show themselves off and move up to the big leagues. Most of the time, this did not happen, but many b-movie actors and crew were steadily employed, even if they did make less money than the a-list folks.
B-movies can have any subject matter, but the genres of horror and sci-fi are perhaps overrepresented. This is probably due to the fact that a young director or effects person could always find a way to wrap a horror or sci-fi theme around whatever expolitative elements they were trying to showcase.
Did I say exploitative? Hell yes! Exploitation plays a big part in b-movies. Whether it is some sort of taboo content or subject matter the film makers use to get folks to plop down their hard earned dough to watch their movie (i.e. nudity or gore), or the recognition of a ready and willing audience who will go see a certain kind of movie just cause it is what they like (kids tend to like monster flicks).
In 1979 the great Joe Bob Briggs first outlined the essencial elements of drive-in movies: beasts, blood and breasts. Drive-in movies are definitely part of the b-movie scene and I think Joe Bob summed up their appeal eloquently.
Of course another part of the appeal of b-movies were that they were cheap to see as well as cheap to make. You could go to a matinee or a drive-in and see three b-movies for the price of one a-list film.
I have very fond memories of going to the drive-in with my family or just my dad. We would take all our own refreshments in a big cooler and watch the movies and laugh at the stupid parts or, in my case, be frightened by or wonder what was the big deal about the other stuff. My folks did not worry about what I was seeing - my mom would just say it was grown-up stuff and wave it off. For the most part I just ignored it and waited for the monsters or action to pick up.
But by far my appreciation for b-movies springs from watching local TV monster/horror movie shows. These were usually hosted by someone and also involved skits or local events. These shows were broadcast on Friday and Saturday night as well as weekend afternoons. Usually the night time shows would start at 11:30 pm after the local news. My friends and I looked forward to these shows because we got to stay up late, often as "sleepover" guests at one of our houses and because it was our time and our show. Often our parents would go to bed before the show started, leaving us alone to enjoy the night. This was a big deal when I was a kid! Perhaps in future posts I will feature these shows.
As I grew older, b-movies became the place to see things that teenaged boys thought of as cool - like gore effects and nekkid girls. The older I got the more jaded I became - the gore had to be more shocking and the girls had to be...uh...um...more nekkid (if you know what I mean and I think that you do!).
Today I enjoy b-movies for the nostalgia - the fun memories of what it was like to be a little kid allowed to stay up and watch monster flicks, for the ridiculous plot elements, horrible acting, pitiful special effects, ludicrous dialog and yes for the nekkid chicks!
As Mystery Science Theater 3000 showed, the kind of movies we watched as kids are still very entertaining to watch as adults, just perhaps for different reasons!
Did I say adult? Hell yes! I may as well get this out in the open right now - the reviews that will be posted here will contain some adult references and language. What can I say? Sometimes ya just gots to call a titty a "titty". Some of the movies I review will be about stuff like murder or war or nunsploitataion. These are things that some folks might find objectionable. If you are one of those people; go see a shrink, get some meds, have a brew, pray or do whatever you think you need to do to deal with what you read here - but YOU deal with it. I don't want to be bothered with any holier-than-thou how-could-you emails. You are not going to change my mind or make me feel ashamed or "see the light". If what you read here offends you that much - feel free to leave and not come back.
By the way, not all of the movies I choose to refer to as b-movies are low budget affairs staring nobodies. Some pretty darn crappy films were made for big bucks with big stars! I hope to feature some of these big time b-movies, because they show what you can see so much of in blockbuster movies today - just cause you got money and talent, don't mean it ain't crap! That is another reason I like b-movies. I would rather laugh at a b-movie I see on TV or rent or even buy for less than a single admission price, than sit through pompous big budget insulting junk like "Alexander".
So what won't I watch? Well since I have a perverse morbid and masochistic curiosity, I will try most anything. But there is one aspect of a film I can't stand; the kiss of death, even for me is simply this: boredom. Crappy films can be a lot of fun, but not if they bore you.
One last thing. In my reviews, both of beer and b-movies, I am going to give my honest subjective opinions. I am not going to try to "tap into the consciousness of everyman". Everyman sucks. I speak my own mind. I'm BigRuta dammit, and don't you forget it!
Well, you have had your beer intro, now lets talk B-Movies. Don't panic! This post won't be as long as the Beer Primer.
I guess a good place to start is to try to define what I mean by the term "b-movie".
The original definition was a film made cheaply, employing non-star cast members (usually young unknowns or older stars that could no longer find better work) and crew. The big budget films with the well known stars were "A-List" movies. The b-movie production houses were kind of like minor league sports teams. Actors, directors, editors, effect folks, etc. would work in b-movies hoping to show themselves off and move up to the big leagues. Most of the time, this did not happen, but many b-movie actors and crew were steadily employed, even if they did make less money than the a-list folks.
B-movies can have any subject matter, but the genres of horror and sci-fi are perhaps overrepresented. This is probably due to the fact that a young director or effects person could always find a way to wrap a horror or sci-fi theme around whatever expolitative elements they were trying to showcase.
Did I say exploitative? Hell yes! Exploitation plays a big part in b-movies. Whether it is some sort of taboo content or subject matter the film makers use to get folks to plop down their hard earned dough to watch their movie (i.e. nudity or gore), or the recognition of a ready and willing audience who will go see a certain kind of movie just cause it is what they like (kids tend to like monster flicks).
In 1979 the great Joe Bob Briggs first outlined the essencial elements of drive-in movies: beasts, blood and breasts. Drive-in movies are definitely part of the b-movie scene and I think Joe Bob summed up their appeal eloquently.
Of course another part of the appeal of b-movies were that they were cheap to see as well as cheap to make. You could go to a matinee or a drive-in and see three b-movies for the price of one a-list film.
I have very fond memories of going to the drive-in with my family or just my dad. We would take all our own refreshments in a big cooler and watch the movies and laugh at the stupid parts or, in my case, be frightened by or wonder what was the big deal about the other stuff. My folks did not worry about what I was seeing - my mom would just say it was grown-up stuff and wave it off. For the most part I just ignored it and waited for the monsters or action to pick up.
But by far my appreciation for b-movies springs from watching local TV monster/horror movie shows. These were usually hosted by someone and also involved skits or local events. These shows were broadcast on Friday and Saturday night as well as weekend afternoons. Usually the night time shows would start at 11:30 pm after the local news. My friends and I looked forward to these shows because we got to stay up late, often as "sleepover" guests at one of our houses and because it was our time and our show. Often our parents would go to bed before the show started, leaving us alone to enjoy the night. This was a big deal when I was a kid! Perhaps in future posts I will feature these shows.
As I grew older, b-movies became the place to see things that teenaged boys thought of as cool - like gore effects and nekkid girls. The older I got the more jaded I became - the gore had to be more shocking and the girls had to be...uh...um...more nekkid (if you know what I mean and I think that you do!).
Today I enjoy b-movies for the nostalgia - the fun memories of what it was like to be a little kid allowed to stay up and watch monster flicks, for the ridiculous plot elements, horrible acting, pitiful special effects, ludicrous dialog and yes for the nekkid chicks!
As Mystery Science Theater 3000 showed, the kind of movies we watched as kids are still very entertaining to watch as adults, just perhaps for different reasons!
Did I say adult? Hell yes! I may as well get this out in the open right now - the reviews that will be posted here will contain some adult references and language. What can I say? Sometimes ya just gots to call a titty a "titty". Some of the movies I review will be about stuff like murder or war or nunsploitataion. These are things that some folks might find objectionable. If you are one of those people; go see a shrink, get some meds, have a brew, pray or do whatever you think you need to do to deal with what you read here - but YOU deal with it. I don't want to be bothered with any holier-than-thou how-could-you emails. You are not going to change my mind or make me feel ashamed or "see the light". If what you read here offends you that much - feel free to leave and not come back.
By the way, not all of the movies I choose to refer to as b-movies are low budget affairs staring nobodies. Some pretty darn crappy films were made for big bucks with big stars! I hope to feature some of these big time b-movies, because they show what you can see so much of in blockbuster movies today - just cause you got money and talent, don't mean it ain't crap! That is another reason I like b-movies. I would rather laugh at a b-movie I see on TV or rent or even buy for less than a single admission price, than sit through pompous big budget insulting junk like "Alexander".
So what won't I watch? Well since I have a perverse morbid and masochistic curiosity, I will try most anything. But there is one aspect of a film I can't stand; the kiss of death, even for me is simply this: boredom. Crappy films can be a lot of fun, but not if they bore you.
One last thing. In my reviews, both of beer and b-movies, I am going to give my honest subjective opinions. I am not going to try to "tap into the consciousness of everyman". Everyman sucks. I speak my own mind. I'm BigRuta dammit, and don't you forget it!
Beer Primer
Beer and wine are probably the two oldest man-made benerages.
Which is older? Who knows. Some reason that beer is older
because man would have learned to grow grain before learning
to tend grapes. At any rate, both beer and wine are several
thousand years old. A recipe for beer was found on
Mesopatamian tablets dating to 7,000 BC.
Both beer and wine are a result of fermentation. Fermentation
is a natural process in which yeast converts carbohydrates
and water into simple sugars, carbon dioxide and alcohol.
Beer and wine were most likely both discovered by accident.
Grain or bread (or slightly crushed grapes in the case of
wine) were probably stored in a container with some water
(rain?) and when the folks came back to eat - TA DA! Sour
stinky water! The first alcoholic beverage.
Of course no one today would recognize what the ancients
drank as "beer". In fact modern beer, which uses hops as a
primary flavoring, is relatively young, perhaps only a few
hundred years old. Henry VIII actually made the use of hops (a
new fangled crop brought to Britain by Belgian immigrants)
illegal!
Then there is the famous German Beer Purity Law of 1516 which
limited the ingredients in beer to grain, hops, yeast and
water. Of course brewers could add anything else they wanted,
but they could not legally call the result "beer".
Actually, that is not as limiting as it might seem. Variety
can be achieved simply buy using different types and amounts
of each ingredient. Then the grains and hops could be left
green, or dried, roasted, charred or aged. Many different
strains of yeast exist and experimental strains are being
tested even today. Water could be from springs, rain,
filtered, high in mineral content and infused with other
flavors by soaking other ingredients (kind of a cheat!). Then
the ingredients could be added in various forms at various
times during the brewing process to bring about different
flavors and qualities. Then after the brewing process was
complete, a beer cold be consumed right away (young) or aged.
The vessel a beer was aged in could add flavor, aroma and
color. Clay pots, wooden casks and metal drums were all used
to age beer. Minerals from the clay or metal and resins from
the wood as well as the possibility of residue from previous
batches of beer or wine or liquor and barrels that had their
inside surfaces charred could all change the final product.
And last but not least a brewer could have used any combination of
the above techniques until he achieved the beer he wanted.
Okay, enough with the history. Let's talk about beer itself.
Just as there are two basic forms of wine, red and white,
there are two basic forms of beer: Ales and Lagers. The
difference comes from the location of the yeast and
temperature during fermentation.
Ales are "top-fermented", meaning that the yeast floats to
the top or surface of the liquid once fermentation is
complete. Top-fermentation takes place at temperatures from
about 59 to 77 degrees Fahrenheit. Therefore, since ales are
brewed at "room temperature", they are often served
unchilled.
Lagers are "bottom-fermented", meaning that the yeast stays
at the bottom of the vat throughout fermentation.
Bottom-fermentation takes place at temperatures from about 45
to 55 degrees Fahrenheit. Therefore, lagers are often served
chilled. The word lager comes from the German verb "lagern"
which means "to store". Often German and Eastern European
brewers would brew and store their beer in natural ice caves.
All beers can be categorized as either ales or lagers
depending on the style of fermentation used during brewing.
Ale brewers experiments usually produced darker colored sweet
beers that were higher in alcohol content than most lagers
(remember they were stored at room temperature, so a little
bit more alcohol worked well as a preservative). Lager
brewers experiments usually produced lighter colored clearer
dry tasting beers that were a bit lower in alcohol than ales
and had to be stored with care. Of course there were
exceptions to this generalization, with light ales and dark
lagers.
If you are a beer novice think: ale = UK, lager = Germany. What about the USA? Unfortunately, and because of many socio-economic and historical reasons which we will not go into,
USA = weak bland lager.
Okay. Let's take a look at three descriptive beer terms, then
you can take a break. The terms are: alcohol content,
bitterness and body.
Alcohol content is simple. It is a measure of the amount of
alcohol in a beer by liquid volume and is abbreviated ABV. To
a real beer snob, this can hint at certain facts concerning
the brewing process, but for you and me it just means, "How
many can I drink before I pass out?"
Bitterness is more complex. As you might assume, it is a
measure of how bitter a beer tastes. I have to point out that
bitterness and sourness are two different things and they are
both different than dryness. Confused? Not suprising. I won't
make this post longer by comparing and contrasting these
terms. Get a good brewer's or vintner's reference and look
them up yourself. I'll just say that it is possible for a
beer to be bitter, sour and dry all at the same time. Oh
yeah, the same beer can also be sweet - go figure!
Bitterness comes from hops. Hops are the flowers of a vine
that is related to hemp, nettles and elms. Bitterness is
measured in International Bitterness Units (IBU's). The
higher the IBU rating, the more bitter the beer.
Body comprises everything else about a beer. This is an
abstraction that I am using to avoid having to list all the
descriptors that beer snobs have come up with over the years.
Body relates to the consistency, smoothness, texture, aroma,
level of carbonation and overall taste of the beer. If you
hear someone describe a Belgian ale as "creamy and spicy with
a hint of coriander and orange", they are talking body.
Enough! That is your basic introduction to beer. Any more
detailed terms will be included in the individual reviews.
Wow! That was a long post. Gimme a beer!
Which is older? Who knows. Some reason that beer is older
because man would have learned to grow grain before learning
to tend grapes. At any rate, both beer and wine are several
thousand years old. A recipe for beer was found on
Mesopatamian tablets dating to 7,000 BC.
Both beer and wine are a result of fermentation. Fermentation
is a natural process in which yeast converts carbohydrates
and water into simple sugars, carbon dioxide and alcohol.
Beer and wine were most likely both discovered by accident.
Grain or bread (or slightly crushed grapes in the case of
wine) were probably stored in a container with some water
(rain?) and when the folks came back to eat - TA DA! Sour
stinky water! The first alcoholic beverage.
Of course no one today would recognize what the ancients
drank as "beer". In fact modern beer, which uses hops as a
primary flavoring, is relatively young, perhaps only a few
hundred years old. Henry VIII actually made the use of hops (a
new fangled crop brought to Britain by Belgian immigrants)
illegal!
Then there is the famous German Beer Purity Law of 1516 which
limited the ingredients in beer to grain, hops, yeast and
water. Of course brewers could add anything else they wanted,
but they could not legally call the result "beer".
Actually, that is not as limiting as it might seem. Variety
can be achieved simply buy using different types and amounts
of each ingredient. Then the grains and hops could be left
green, or dried, roasted, charred or aged. Many different
strains of yeast exist and experimental strains are being
tested even today. Water could be from springs, rain,
filtered, high in mineral content and infused with other
flavors by soaking other ingredients (kind of a cheat!). Then
the ingredients could be added in various forms at various
times during the brewing process to bring about different
flavors and qualities. Then after the brewing process was
complete, a beer cold be consumed right away (young) or aged.
The vessel a beer was aged in could add flavor, aroma and
color. Clay pots, wooden casks and metal drums were all used
to age beer. Minerals from the clay or metal and resins from
the wood as well as the possibility of residue from previous
batches of beer or wine or liquor and barrels that had their
inside surfaces charred could all change the final product.
And last but not least a brewer could have used any combination of
the above techniques until he achieved the beer he wanted.
Okay, enough with the history. Let's talk about beer itself.
Just as there are two basic forms of wine, red and white,
there are two basic forms of beer: Ales and Lagers. The
difference comes from the location of the yeast and
temperature during fermentation.
Ales are "top-fermented", meaning that the yeast floats to
the top or surface of the liquid once fermentation is
complete. Top-fermentation takes place at temperatures from
about 59 to 77 degrees Fahrenheit. Therefore, since ales are
brewed at "room temperature", they are often served
unchilled.
Lagers are "bottom-fermented", meaning that the yeast stays
at the bottom of the vat throughout fermentation.
Bottom-fermentation takes place at temperatures from about 45
to 55 degrees Fahrenheit. Therefore, lagers are often served
chilled. The word lager comes from the German verb "lagern"
which means "to store". Often German and Eastern European
brewers would brew and store their beer in natural ice caves.
All beers can be categorized as either ales or lagers
depending on the style of fermentation used during brewing.
Ale brewers experiments usually produced darker colored sweet
beers that were higher in alcohol content than most lagers
(remember they were stored at room temperature, so a little
bit more alcohol worked well as a preservative). Lager
brewers experiments usually produced lighter colored clearer
dry tasting beers that were a bit lower in alcohol than ales
and had to be stored with care. Of course there were
exceptions to this generalization, with light ales and dark
lagers.
If you are a beer novice think: ale = UK, lager = Germany. What about the USA? Unfortunately, and because of many socio-economic and historical reasons which we will not go into,
USA = weak bland lager.
Okay. Let's take a look at three descriptive beer terms, then
you can take a break. The terms are: alcohol content,
bitterness and body.
Alcohol content is simple. It is a measure of the amount of
alcohol in a beer by liquid volume and is abbreviated ABV. To
a real beer snob, this can hint at certain facts concerning
the brewing process, but for you and me it just means, "How
many can I drink before I pass out?"
Bitterness is more complex. As you might assume, it is a
measure of how bitter a beer tastes. I have to point out that
bitterness and sourness are two different things and they are
both different than dryness. Confused? Not suprising. I won't
make this post longer by comparing and contrasting these
terms. Get a good brewer's or vintner's reference and look
them up yourself. I'll just say that it is possible for a
beer to be bitter, sour and dry all at the same time. Oh
yeah, the same beer can also be sweet - go figure!
Bitterness comes from hops. Hops are the flowers of a vine
that is related to hemp, nettles and elms. Bitterness is
measured in International Bitterness Units (IBU's). The
higher the IBU rating, the more bitter the beer.
Body comprises everything else about a beer. This is an
abstraction that I am using to avoid having to list all the
descriptors that beer snobs have come up with over the years.
Body relates to the consistency, smoothness, texture, aroma,
level of carbonation and overall taste of the beer. If you
hear someone describe a Belgian ale as "creamy and spicy with
a hint of coriander and orange", they are talking body.
Enough! That is your basic introduction to beer. Any more
detailed terms will be included in the individual reviews.
Wow! That was a long post. Gimme a beer!
Friday, May 13, 2005
"Don't you want to know what it's all about?"
Here's the deal:
I wanted to post comments on another blog here at the
blogspot (Sup G-Man!). However, the blogspot does not accept
anonymous posts. So, I registered and created this blog;
naming it off the top of my head. Pretty clever, eh?
Then, as I was sittin around drinking beer one night, I
started thinking that it would be a shame to have this little
bit of the net go to waste. Surely there was some way to use
this blog to improve the world, make it safer for democracy,
and impart my wisdom to the great unwashed hoards.
After all, didn't Al Gore invent the internet specifically so
anyone anywhere could read the raving thoughts of a
sociopathic mind?
Then I had another beer and thought, 'Ya know, them hoards
stink. Probably cause they don't wash!'
As I took the first swallow of my next beer I noted to myself
that your average hoardling is a pretty stupid critter and
would no doubt not understand the great gift to be had by
listening to my pontification.
I turned on the TV and saw El Santo give some Mexican vampire
dame a piledriver. "Viva El Santo!" I cried and hoisted a new
glass to the silver masked avenger on my 32" screen.
That's when it happened. I looked at the glorious amber
colored brew in its frosty glass in my left hand and the
remote control in my right. I knew what must be done. This
was a message the hoardalingas would understand! And perhaps,
I could even educate a few!
A chill ran down my spine...I sat quietly in
thought...somewhere in the night, a dog barked. I looked up
at the screen and there was El Santo looking straight back at
me! He said not a word, just nodded. I knew I had chosen
wisely.
And so dear readers - and hoardhags - sit back and open your
minds to the glory, the passion, the spectacle of two things
that seem so different, and yet go so well together: BEER &
B-MOVIES!
Yep! I decided this blog would be about two of my favorite
things: good beer and silly movies.
The next two posts will be introductions about these two
fantabulus subjects, then - the real fun begins! Every post
there after I will review both a b-movie and the beer I drink
while watching it. Some of the movies will be from my
personal video collection, some will be reviews of televised
broadcasts. The beer will mostly be from the store.
Hold on to your hats kiddies - this should be fun!
Friday, May 06, 2005
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Coming Soon!
Hey gang, guess what! Coming soon to theduhspot - content! It will be fab! It will be cool! It will be groovy! Hopefully it won't suck too much! Stay tuned!
-BigRuta
-BigRuta
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